You Can’t Heal What You Won’t Face - Victoria Lefebre (E042)

Description:

What happens when the life you’ve built starts breaking you?

In this powerful conversation, I sit down with holistic midlife strategist Victoria Lefebre, who shares the moment everything changed—standing in front of a mirror, exhausted, overwhelmed, and realizing she didn’t even recognize herself anymore.

She THOUGHT she was doing everything right…
Taking care of her family.
Running a business.
Holding it all together.

And yet—her body was shutting down.

This episode is about what happens when you can’t push through anymore…
 …and why the healing you’re avoiding is what will change everything.

You can’t bypass your way into healing.
 You can’t outwork it.
 You can’t positive-think your way around it.

At some point… you have to face it.

Chapters:

 | 0:00 | Teaser
 | 0:28 | Introduction
 | 2:06 | Just a normal chaotic morning
 | 5:48 | I know what I'm doing. I'm in control
 | 10:25 | Naked on the table
 | 14:28 | I knew there was something more
 | 18:28 | I instantly felt this relief
 | 21:20 | What is EFT?
 | 25:02 | Creating a new vibe - intentionally
 | 27:20 | Where are you now?
 | 32:55 | Just sit the F#ck down and LISTEN!
 | 36:50 | Did you have a support system?
 | 42:16 | What do you do when the old "voices" come back up?
 | 48:00 | It takes time
 | 54:22 | Parting thoughts

💥 In this episode, we explore:

• The breaking point that forced Victoria to wake up
• Why burnout isn’t just physical—it’s emotional and energetic
• The truth about “having all the tools” but not using them
• How unprocessed stress and trauma show up in the body
• What happens when your body no longer feels safe to live in
• How Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) creates real release
• The power of acknowledging what’s actually true (even when it’s uncomfortable)
• Learning to trust yourself after years of override
• Why your “inner voice” doesn’t go away—and what to do instead

🎙️ About Our Guest:

Victoria Lefebvre is a holistic midlife strategist. She helps women in midlife, releasing overwhelm, reconnecting with their inner strength and stepping into the next chapter with clarity and confidence. She does this using holistic nutrition, yoga, meditation and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique aka tapping). She blends Mind, Body tools with intuitive practices. 

Victoria believes that midlife is not the end of who you are, it's the awakening of who you were always meant to be.

Find Victoria on
Linktree https://linktr.ee/victorialstrategist 
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/victorialwellness?igsh=enptZHhiaGt2cGM1&utm_source=qr

🎧 About the Podcast:

The Secret of My Success explores what it really means to live a fulfilling life—beyond achievement, beyond appearances, and beyond what we’ve been taught success is “supposed” to look like.

👉 Watch the full episode and then…

If something in this conversation resonated with you, don’t just nod along—do something with it.

If you’re ready to go deeper:
💬 Drop a comment with your biggest takeaway
 👍 Like the video so we know this conversation matters
 🔔 Subscribe for more real conversations about fulfillment, growth, and truth

Want to learn more about exploring what it means to live a fulfilling life?
Subscribe to the YouTube channel here.

Transcript

Victoria Lefebre: 0:00

If you keep going like this, you're gonna kill your fucking self, you're gonna die. You're not going to make it to 50. I vowed something was going to change. I didn't know what it was. I didn't know how, but I just knew that I'm like, I was looking at that lady, and she was looking hella run over. I cannot be this woman anymore. I don't know who she is.

Erin Currin: 0:28

Hello and welcome to the secret of my success, where we explore what it means to live a fulfilling life. I am your host. Erin Currin, thank you so much for joining us. If you have not already, please subscribe to our channel, and if you happen to enjoy today's topic or conversation, please give us a like. It helps us to know what lands with you, what you enjoy and what you'd like to hear more of. So today, I would like to introduce you to miss Victoria Lefebvre. She is a holistic midlife strategist. She helps women in midlife, releasing overwhelm, reconnecting with their inner strength and stepping into the next chapter with clarity and confidence. Now she does this using holistic nutrition, yoga, meditation and EFT. She blends Mind, Body tools with intuitive practices. Now this is because Victoria believes that midlife is not the end of who you are, it's the awakening of who you were always meant to be. Join me in welcoming Victoria. Awesome. So Victoria, thank you so much for joining us today.

Victoria Lefebre: 1:42

Well, thank you so much for having me here. I'm really excited to be a part of the conversation.

Erin Currin: 1:46

You're very welcome. Normally. At this point, I am asking my guests to share some kind of a story or a turning point in their life, maybe a challenge, something that had them really shift a paradigm or altered the course that they were on. Where would you like to get us started?

Victoria Lefebre: 2:06

So I think we need to start about two and a half years ago, and this day in particular, I feel like was the day that kind of catapulted me into something completely different than where I was at that time. So at the time, I was working full time as a massage therapist. I had three teenage boys at home. My husband was working full time. We owned a construction company. We were busy, like to say the least. We were busy, busy, busy people. And this particular morning I was feeling extremely burnt out. Is one of those mornings where you get up and everybody's chaos is everywhere, right like the kids, where's my homework? Can't find my shoes. I don't have any clean underwear right there. There's just all of it. And then the husband, I have a quote today. Do you know the address like it was, it was insane. So I get up, I get get everybody out the door, get everybody ready. I'm already feeling burnt out. I've by this point, I think I'd have like, three cups of coffee. I have a client booked for 1030 It's nine o'clock. Takes me half an hour to get to work, and I still haven't had a shower. So I'm burnt out. I'm exhausted. I jump in the shower. By this time, every single person has had like, a 40 minute shower, right? Because teenage boys, I don't know if you know this, but they shower for hours on end. So so I get in and the water's freezing cold. So, you know, power shower in the ice cold water. Get out of the shower. My towel is not there. It's not on the hook. The only thing left is those hand towels, the little and I'm like, Good lord, so I'm trying to dry myself off with this hand towel. I'm standing in front of the mirror. The ironic, the ironic part here is I used to put affirmations on my mirror. It was like, today, it's your day or something like it was the most cheesiest affirmation. And I'm like, standing in front of the mirror drying myself off with this hand towel that covers nothing. So I'm basically butt naked in front of the mirror looking at this affirmation. And I just happened to look myself in the eyes, and I didn't know who I was, I looked and I saw these big, black, dark circles under my eyes. I saw this body bloated with inflammation. It was right in the middle of when perimenopause was starting to hit me really hard. I literally put on 40 pounds of weight and inflammation in less than a month. It my everything just got swollen. I got so I was in so much pain, so much discomfort, so exhausted, and I just, I just remember, like looking in the mirror and just slumped over, just. Feeling so defeated. And I thought, Who is she? Who is that person? I didn't recognize myself at all. And it was at that moment that I was I had this epiphany that, like, I remember, said to myself, if you keep going like this, you're gonna kill your fucking self, and it's you're gonna die like you're not going to make it to 50 if you keep going like this. And it was one of those moments where I I just I vowed something was going to change. I didn't know what it was. I didn't know how, but I just knew that I'm like, I was looking at that lady, and she was looking like hell, a run over. And I was like, I cannot be this woman anymore. I don't know who she is. And I would say that was, that was the beginning of everything it that sent me. I started working with a naturopathic doctor, because when I went to my physician and I said, Look, I've gained 40 pounds in like four weeks. What is going on here? She said, Maybe you should exercise more. And I said, okay, like I work out five days a week. I I'm a certified nutritionist. I eat really, really good food, like I am caring for my body, but i the whole the stress, the burnout, I didn't understand all of what was happening. And a bit of a back story. That year, my son was also in a snowmobile accident that had he hit the obstacle a little bit differently, he wouldn't be here with us. So it was dealing with his broken leg, his broken neck, his rehab there was so much that was piled onto my plate, but I kept functioning and acting like I was okay. I've got this. I've it's under control. I know what I'm doing, right, and yet I wasn't. I was not in control. I did not know what I was doing. I was spiraling big time. So I would say that would that is where the biggest shift started for me, for sure, that's the catalyst.

Erin Currin: 7:17

That's a lot. And thank you for really getting us into the world. Because, like, I get the feel for being in that space with all of these men trying to compete for resources, and everyone's trying to get out of the house and and like, You are the glue that holds it all together. And then when they all leave, you're like, Okay, shit. Now it's my turn, and like, you just you feel like you want to fall apart, and you can't, yeah, because even though you feel like you want to fall apart, there's nobody to support you.

Victoria Lefebre: 7:56

Yeah, that was exactly it. Because, you know, like, I the whole time, like the accident and everything that we were going through, it was putting stress on our marriage. It was putting stress on the family as a unit. We're a very tight family. We're a good like my kids tell us things that, you know, everything, it's a we're a good, tight family. But the stress of all of that leading up to that moment did put strain on my relationships, on my friendships, even like I didn't feel that I had friends who understood what I was going through. Because, you know, they just that one their kids were so much younger than mine, so they weren't facing, you know, 1718, year old kids doing dumb things. They were facing eight, nine year old kids, you know, doing dumb things, which are two totally different spectrums. So it was, it was a weird, it was a really weird space to be in, because I literally felt when I looked in that mirror, like, you have to make this better, like I was talking to her. It wasn't like, I have somebody to lean on. I have other people to hold me up. At that moment, it was literally like, Okay, you and me, bitch, we got this like, that's all it was. And it was really, it was a really crazy chaos that I was just felt like I was swirling in all the time.

Erin Currin: 9:22

So let me ask, when you looked at her, did you do you have some kind of background in personal development at that point, or was this just like out of nowhere, nowhere?

Victoria Lefebre: 9:38

So I mean, I'd spent 25 years as a massage therapist. So in that time, like you have to do continuing education all the time. So I had taken so many courses, and, you know, I had so much background knowledge. I also had spent 25 years, you know, as a therapist, basically, because when people are on your table, you. You know, they're vulnerable, and a lot of times you're just there to listen. So I kind of, when I looked at her, I was like, Okay, I I've seen this before in other people. I knew this. What this was when I actually looked her in the eyes and saw how burnt out she really was, yeah, wow.

Erin Currin: 10:25

I think that's really amazing. Because, like, like, you say, I mean, people are naked on your table, basically, and they're, it's, it's an emotional as well as a physical experience. Yeah, a lot of people, I don't think a lot of people, really understand how intimate a real massage is, because, like our muscles, our bodies, carry all of the energy that we refuse to let go of, and we go into the massage therapist and go, Okay, do me, I want to feel good when I leave. And basically it's all of the shit that they won't deal with themselves, that you rub some of it out and tell them to drink a lot of water, maybe take an Epsom salt bath to try to help them release what they what they won't look at.

Victoria Lefebre: 11:14

Yeah, yeah. And I had, you know, at the end of the last couple years of my career, I had really shifted into the energetics of that, because I was seeing so much that, like I always would say to people, your issues are in your tissues, like everything that you're you're refusing to deal with, to face, to let go of, that is being held within your body, right? So it's funny, because I knew all these things, and yet I was still, I was holding, you know, I was holding the anxiety. I was holding the PTSD. I was holding all of the trauma within my own self, and it was manifesting in the inflammation, the weight gain, the extreme pain and my body I have never, like every joint in my body was sore to the point where I thought, What do I have? Like arthritis and every single joint of my body now. And you know, there was so many manifestations that were happening because I was not facing and dealing with all of the stuff. I mean, like decades of trauma and things that have piled up that just kind of that accident and the feeling of, like, my my life falling apart, were just kind of that little cherry that was on top of a pile of crap, really, like, so it was, it was it was interesting, because now I had to practice what I preached. I couldn't just preach it anymore. It was coming for me.

Erin Currin: 12:46

Yeah, well, and I think that's that's the the irony of being in the personal development space, being in the healing modalities, because like you do, you practice what you preach? Are you walking the talk? And it's so simple, it's so it's easy to say, I can't deal with that right now. I'll deal with it later. But later never comes. And then it's that train wreck where the cholesterol is high or the thyroid isn't functioning, or, you know, you've gained too much weight and nothing fits, and it's easier to go to the store and get fat clothes than it is to actually sit down and journal like, Yeah, I had a coach one time about two and a half years ago. Say, you know, Erin, I think it would be really great for you to do this next level course, but are you just going to other yourself again? And it was like, What are you talking about? It's like people on the outside see the things that we're not dealing with, and it's so simple for them to see. And I thought after 15 years of personal development, it's time for me to put some of those tools into practice. You gotta your toolbox is overflowing. It's, you know, coming out of the closet and into the hall, and it's like the tools won't work unless you put them into practice, you're gonna have the best saws and hammers and whatever in the world, and it's just not going to do any good if it's still in the packaging. So like, here you are. You're standing there staring at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you're one of your worst clients, yes, and you're hoping that a doctor is going to guide you through the process and he says something crazy, or she says something crazy, like, you just need to exercise some more. So, like, then what happened?

Victoria Lefebre: 14:52

So at that point, because I've studied, like, anatomy and pathophysiology, and I just, I'm a nerd when it comes to all the. Things the human body. I knew there was something more wrong. The funny thing is, is I had battled hormones my entire life, PCOS, endometriosis, early menopause when I was 32 but I had thought I had dealt with all that. So when this happened again, I was like, okay, something is really wrong. I could feel my physical body. Something was really wrong. So after, you know, I was dismissed by my physician. I then found a naturopath and a functional medicine doctor, and I just, I just wanted to know, because I'm the type of person I like to investigate. I like to research. So we did the research, and we found out I was in complete adrenal fatigue, that there was nothing working. I was basically shut down. And at that time, she said to me, she's like, we can give you supplements and we can give you she's like, you know the nutrition, you know the supplements, you know, how to work out. I can give you all those things, but fact of the matter is, your body's in a traumatized state, and unless you deal with that, nothing is going to change. And I was like, no, no, I'm fine. I actually said this to her. I was like, no, no, I'm totally fine. Like, yeah, it was a, you know, a hard spin, a hard year. So everything kind of fell apart in March of that year. This was November, so not even a whole year later, and I was like, Oh no, but I'm totally I'm good, like my clients. I got the best clients. Everything's working like we're I'm back full time. It's okay. And she was like, so you can either deal with it and start with the energetics of it, or it's going to just be a band aid. So it's up to you. And so she gave me this tapping, this EFT tapping. I'd heard of tapping, but I'd never really done it. I did a lot of yoga, meditation. I love, you know, to sit quietly and journal. I love all those things, but I had never tried this, so she gave me this really intense one that was recorded. I don't I can't remember who did the recording, but it was one that she had specifically for people suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and people who felt unsafe in their bodies, whose bodies felt unsafe to be in. And I kind of laughed. I was like, my body is totally safe. And she's like, No, it's not. She's like, you're in fight or flight. You are in fight or flight right now. And I was like, Okay, fine. So I promised her. I kind of dismissed her, but I promised her that I would do this tapping for the next seven days. What like religion I was going to show up for myself because I had made that choice in the mirror that I needed to do whatever it took, because I did not like staring at that hollow person in the mirror. So I start doing this tapping. The first one, I did it before I went to bed. She said, try it. Before you go to bed, maybe you'll actually sleep. That was another I was having insomnia. There were nights where I was getting, I was sleeping maybe 30 minutes it was, it was not great. So she's like, just so I do this the first night I do the tapping, do all the things, I instantly felt this relief. I fell asleep, and I slept for six hours straight. No, no, no interrupting, no sudden, burst out of bed. No, you know, fear, no, nothing. So that next morning, I thought, Okay, this, there is something to this, the energy that I am holding, like, Duh, the issue is in your tissue, right? So, where have I heard

Erin Currin: 18:53

that before? Right? I'm like,

Victoria Lefebre: 18:55

this is sounds so familiar. But then I decided at that point, like, I am going to become my best client. I am going to coach myself through this. I am going to figure this out. Because one the information on perimenopause, and the whole phase of perimenopausal hormones and all this stuff is very, very hard to nail down. So I was going to, I was going to do all the things, and I was going to figure this out. And that's really, that's really when I finally started to see a shift. Was when I addressed the energetics of this body, feeling like it had been run over by a Mack truck.

Erin Currin: 19:39

Really powerful. That's amazing, and it's, I was gonna say, it's very fortunate, but I also know that there are no mistakes, and we get exactly what we what we're ready for. It's a beautiful thing that that particular naturopath showed up in your space, like. Who was, you know, I could sell you all of the things that we both know would probably relieve it a little bit, but I also know that that's not going to help you, because she's not making any money on you sitting at home tapping on your acupressure points.

Victoria Lefebre: 20:17

No, no. 100% and like you said, she could have sold me on all the supplements because she knew that I knew what I would, you know, what I would need and how it would work. And if she was to give me a list, it would make logical sense to me that I needed those things to help my adrenals and help my, you know, my hormones to be released properly. And all she knew that I knew all that stuff. But yeah, just you

Erin Currin: 20:42

would have bought it like hook, line and sinker,

Victoria Lefebre: 20:46

honestly, at that point, because I was so broken and so raw, and I was so ready to be fixed, I just wanted the answers. I probably would have. I would have spent the 1000s and 1000s of dollars on the supplements, just praying that something fixed this problem. And I am eternally grateful that she just, she gave it was like a five minute meditation, and it just, it shifted everything for me. So I'm just, I am extremely grateful, and always will

Erin Currin: 21:19

be, for that fantastic so for our audience members who like we're talking about EFT, like everybody knows what it is, it is emotional freedom technique, why don't you catch us up to speed on what it is and kind of how it works, so that somebody who has never heard of it before can Get a clue as to what we're talking about. Yeah.

Victoria Lefebre: 21:43

So it's, it's very simple. It's basically a meditation that you you voice while you tap on different points on your body. So we use the acupressure points on the body to help to let go of whatever it is that we're holding on to. So when we do the EFT, we always start with acknowledging what is present at this moment. So, you know, in that moment, you know, you say things like at this time, I am overwhelmed. I have so much anxiety, but I still love and appreciate myself. Because we want to when we're doing this, we want to acknowledge that, you know, just because things are crappy doesn't mean that that means we are crappy, right? So we start there. We move through the points we do pressure points like the head, the eyebrows. We use the face, the collarbones, under arms, side of the hands. Simple, you just, literally, you're just tapping on them. And then after we've kind of gone through and acknowledged what it is, then we want to bring in what it is that we want instead. So if you're feeling anxious and overwhelmed, then I'm bringing in peace and relaxation. So it's a really, it's it's a really beautiful way to meditate for people like me that have you know, ADHD, my brain can go 7000 tabs open at one time. I love tapping because it makes me focus on I need to touch this part now and say these words out loud so my brain is preoccupied so I can't make the grocery list at the same time as doing my meditation

Erin Currin: 23:23

is really powerful, and I love that you say that because, like, part of my Buddhist practice is chanting, and I have gotten so used to the chanting that I am saying the phrase over and over. But if I'm not intentionally doing putting that puppy back on the paper, my I'm off doing whatever else it is, so that that's well spoken, um, and I love how you frame that, because, like I've done, tapping in in many different spaces. There's, there's an app that I use that has a sleep tapping formula, and you can go as many rounds as you want to, and it's, it's just so it's such a simple thing to do, and it works because it's releasing the energetics, like You say, and it is you're tapping, acknowledging the shitty parts, because you can't just put lipstick on a pig like you can, but it's still going to be a pig, whereas when I'm actually acknowledging the frustrating part, the challenging parts, the the you know, it's like we're not just Pollyanna positivity. We're not going to power through this. That's what has got us into this mess in the first place. You go through and you acknowledge what all of those negative aspects are, and then you turn around and go, Yeah, and I love myself anyway. I'm letting that stuff be and he. Is what I am looking to create. So it's a very intentional, powerful practice for creating a new vibe.

Victoria Lefebre: 25:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really is. And I think the best thing, like for me, it was so powerful because it forced me to acknowledge, like you said that there are crappy parts, right? I grew up in a situation where it was like, a smile, be happy, like, don't, don't feel the feelings. Just, you know, put the super happy grin on and just don't acknowledge that things are bad right now. So when I started doing tapping and I had to acknowledge, oh, actually, I am. I am feeling overwhelmed. I am experiencing anxiety like these moments. This is an anxiety attack that I'm having right now, and that's okay. I can go through it. I can still love myself. Doesn't mean I have to beat myself up because I'm having an anxiety attack. I can be like, Okay, so we're having an anxiety attack, that's okay. I still love myself, but let's replace that anxiety attack with something little more appropriate for this time, right? So it just it was such a powerful experience, and you know, acknowledging, learning to acknowledge all emotions, and also learning not to label emotions as good or bad. They are just our emotions. And, you know, sometimes we have anger, sometimes we have sadness, sometimes we have joy, sometimes we have happiness. And it's it that was a huge part of my I want to say like recovery, but it's not the right word for but like my my growth into a whole new person. Really, I am not the same person I was three, four years ago, not even close.

Erin Currin: 26:50

So I think that's that's a fun point. I'm gonna put a pin in that other thought, because I really want people to understand where you are now. So before you were living in Canada, and you had your husband with the business and the kids, like in high school, and like the the whole world of all of it, massage therapist for 25 years, where are you now?

Victoria Lefebre: 27:22

So, so now we, we've retired everything. My kids moved out and we, we retired. We took the last year we've been living in the Caribbean. We're in Antigua. We needed a complete shift and a reset. So that's how, that's where, where we ended up. There was, it was so, so much divine guidance and timing and alignment. We sold everything. And it's been an experience to to come here see life from a completely different perspective, to remove ourselves from being just in that hustle culture in, you know, I like to say that we were just a cog in the machine for so long. You know, work the 60 hours a week, do all the things, barely afford life, pay all the bills, pay all the things and then go back at it again. And it was that vicious cycle that we were kind of stuck in, and you know, that was a big part of why we were so stressed out, why relationships were falling apart, why everything was just so overwhelming and heavy, so we just, you know, I've been accused of running away, which is fine. I ran away. I don't care, but I just needed, we needed that release, that that opportunity to let go. So that's, that's how we ended up down here. My husband did come with me. I didn't run away from him. Good.

Erin Currin: 28:59

I'm happy to hear that, because the next thing I was about to say is, but wait a minute, Didn't your husband own his own business? And most people go, Oh, if you own your own business, and that means that you're off of the the gerbil wheel, you're not in the rat race anymore. And the the real answer is, no, you actually, depending on how you've created that business, you could still be in the rat race, just at a different level. You just happen to be your own slave driver.

Victoria Lefebre: 29:31

Yeah, pretty much he was in. We owned a construction renovation company, and we had been doing that for 15 years. So the last five years were 99% of it was like client referrals and really big jobs. So you had to depend on, you know, one of the inspectors showing up. When is the material showing up? So it was, it was a lot. And yes, he could say he didn't want to work Friday, and he could schedule, you know, his plumbers to be in on the Friday. So he. Could take the Friday off, but even at that then, you know, there's customers that have a bazillion questions. You know, so many times you'll get, like, an email, I see that you put the tile in, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted. Can we redo it, even though they picked up the tile right? So there's a lot. There was so many, so much that went along with owning your own business. And it's, it is, you know, when you're trying to keep up and you're trying to move forward, you're always, you're always marketing yourself, you're always doing something when you're in a small business space, yeah,

Erin Currin: 30:37

and I think what you were pointing to a moment ago, where there were people who were saying, Oh, you're running away. It's actually, especially in today's world, far more courageous to follow your intuition and follow your heart, because you're, you're running left when everybody else is going right. And it's, it's talk to me a little bit about the intuition, because there was a point where you're looking at yourself in the mirror, and I'm gonna say it how I understand it, but you can catch us up on how you see it. It's kind of like the higher self, the spirit, the soul, is going, Hello, I've been giving you hints like you're not listening to me. Yeah. So how did you get because you didn't just decide to move to Antigua because it was like your forever dream? Did you?

Victoria Lefebre: 31:37

No, there was a lot of, like I said, a lot of intuitive, weird coincidences and like, I don't think anything is ever a coincidence, but there was a lot of little things that kept happening that were aligning us there. We had always wanted. My husband had always said that, you know, when the kids are old and out on their own, we want to explore, like some kind of fun Caribbean life, something, something different. We we knew that, you know, we wanted to try something else out, other than just where we were being stuck where we were. So I will say yes, that moment in the mirror was 100% my higher self, just like begging me, come on. I have given you every single sign, and I'm like screaming at you at this point, can you please just listen? And from that moment, it's funny, I actually have so I tattooed trust on my wrist because I kept taking over and being like, I got this, I got this. And spirit kept saying to me, would you please, like I felt like many my Spirit Guides are probably really, really sassy, angry people at this point, when they're like, I feel like they were like, just sit down and listen right. Like, by that point, they were so done with me. They were just like, you are not listening to anything we're saying. But then at that moment, you know, and that was another reason why I did the tapping, even though I was really skeptical, because I was like, Okay, I said I would trust you. I said I would go all in the things that come to me, I'm going to embrace so that like that unfolding, and it's funny, because when So, for example, when my functional medicine doctor told me that she's like, You have adrenal fatigue, two days later, I see my friend sends me this Tiktok, or something about this lady who is doing micro dosing with mushrooms for adrenal fatigue. And she's like, Have you ever heard of adrenal fatigue before? I've never heard of this. And I was like, okay, spirit. And I couldn't help but laugh, because

Erin Currin: 33:58

she's What am I supposed to mark rooms now? And

Victoria Lefebre: 34:02

that was actually, that was part of the all unfolding she she went through to become a facilitator for micro dosing mushrooms and psilocybin, and she used it to treat her PTSD. And so as she's doing this, I was like, I have really bad PTSD too. How do we like, how do we do this? And so she guided me through a 30 day micro dosing, I want to say adventure and but it was just because all these things kept aligning. Like, how strange that the naturopath tells me I have adrenal fatigue. Couple days later, she sends me a reel going, do you know what Adrenal Fatigue is? This lady's doing mushrooms like and so there was so many of these coincidences. And after that moment, I just learned that, okay, not that I had to do everything that came across my plate, but I. Listen, there's something here, explore it. So, yeah, that that was kind of the all the unfolding and how it happened. We ended up in Antigua because we had a friend who is part Antiguan that came down here that ended up reaching out to my husband the day after I said, the only way we're ever going to leave this country is if you get a job somewhere else, my friend reaches out the next day to my husband and says, Hey, I'm doing some woodworking down here. I could really use a hand. So I was like, Oh, okay. Spirit, all right. Like, wow. Okay, touche, we see that, right? So that's it just kept the more I trusted, the more these things happened, the more synchronicities happened, the more alignment happened. There's so many of these weird little stories that just unfolded over that year and a half of this process of getting to where we were a year ago, it was insane. I've never now, I don't, I don't second guess or question anything, because it's, it is what it is, right? It's true.

Erin Currin: 36:15

Well, that's actually a really good point. So here you are, like, massage therapy is kind of on the edge of the Woo, right? It's, I mean, there are massage therapists who are like, very mechanical and very biological, and there are massage therapists who are very energetic, and then there's the whole spectrum in between. And it sounds like you were on the spectrum in between. What was that like, really letting go and trusting because, like, did you have enough of a support network in place? Obviously, you said some people were like, Oh, you're just running away. Well, are they jealous, or did they just not have a clue, like, were there people that you could turn to your friend who's now the facilitator of psilocybin?

Victoria Lefebre: 37:07

Obviously, yes, she definitely was a good part of the process. Yeah, I will say that it made me go more internal and learning how to trust myself, I had to show up for myself. I had to prove to myself that I could be trusted right. Because I think a big part of a big part of growth is, are you going to continue down that path, or are you going to flip back into your old habits? So there was many times where I had to prove to myself that I could be trusted with this new realization, with this new connection to spirit, I'd always had a very connected spirit. I, you know, have some, definitely, some mediumship and some really deep connections into spirit. But this was for me. I had to do it for myself. And I do have some amazing friends who stepped up, who let me vent, who let me, you know, say things like, you know, the crazy things i one girlfriend that we send voice messages back and forth. And that whole year, I can remember being like, Okay, I said last time that it wasn't gonna it was. It was so crazy I couldn't believe it. But, okay, no, but this time, it's so crazy I can't believe it. So it was very fortunate that way. And I do think you know, when you're in that space of trying to grow and expand and really learn who you are. You do need that weird friend that is not going to judge you at all, that it's going to listen to you and be like, either, yes, same girl, I did the same, or be like, just, just be there to listen. And it's I'm very, very fortunate that I was able to cultivate those those relationships and those friendships, and in that in that year, they got very, very deep, way, way, way deeper than I'd ever anticipated. So that's beautiful.

Erin Currin: 39:10

That is really powerful. And I think what what you're pointing to, it's been like, it's, it's a message that I've heard over and over, and it's one of those that I really had to lean into. And it's like, when you make the determination, it's not like all of a sudden, it's done. That's when the work starts. That's when you get to deal with all of the old patterns, all of the old programs, all of the old habits, all of the old protection mechanisms that have created this orchestration in the first place, and they're all going to be fighting like a wounded animal, and it's not fun at all. It's like, oh yeah, I moved to Antigua. Oh, you just sit on the beach and sip my ties all day. No, you're in a spiritual war. Yeah, and it's like, how can you go to war with yourself? There's a an example that I like to tell people where it's kind of like, if you're living in an apartment and you have a roommate, and you were to say, leave $5,000 on the dining room table, because, like you, you know, you had cash there to pay for something. And you come back in a little while and your roommates home, and the$5,000 is gone, and they've got a new PlayStation, and, you know, a new gold chain, and a new like, phone, and all this great stuff. And you're like, Hey, did you happen to see that five grand? Like, what five grand? What are you talking about? Ah, well, you know, I need to find it, because I've got to pay somebody. Could you help me find it? Do you think that friend is going to actually help you find it? And that's the way the mind functions, because the mind is the friend who stole the $5,000 because the mind knows what's best for you. You made this decision when you were six years old because you were getting yelled at, or your parents were fighting, or whatever horrible thing happened, and so your brain created a program that now is running. And every time you ask, why are we running this? I know this isn't real. I really want to go someplace else. They go. I don't know what you're talking about. Like, it's not me. Let's look for it together. So it's it's like we have to get beyond the mind, and we have to redetermine day after day after sometimes moment to moment, like if it's a food craving or if it's cigarettes or alcohol or drug addiction or whatever your coping mechanism of choice is, every it's it's like the voice. In my experience, the voice never goes away. Like, even when you've got it handled, it's still there ready to fire. And so then the question is, what do you do when that stuff comes up. So do you have something in particular that you do when those dark moments happen? I get that you reach out to friends. But what are some other tools?

Victoria Lefebre: 42:34

Oh, that is such a good question, because you're not wrong like you can't outrun that conditioning that's there. And so one of the things that I learned to do during this journey was I, I recognize now when my ego side is trying to step in and be protective. Because, you know, that is my response. You know, when you anytime we kind of go a little bit out of our comfort zone, or we try something that's new or a little bit different, it's our body's natural, our ego mind's natural response is to say, Wait, hold on a second. That's like, there could be a tiger. So we need to wait, and we're just gonna, like, pause or, you know, for me, a fawn is a major part. I fawn or I fight, and that seems to be, that seems to be my response. So I now recognize it, and I can see I kind of label. I made her a character. So one of the exercises I did when I was in some therapy. After this was the therapist said to me, draw a picture of what she looks like, that afraid person that is, you know, telling you, wait, stop, don't do these things, or telling you you can't do this, or, you know, you're dumb. Or, why don't we just go back to what we what we're used to, right? Like that. That what she looks like. So I did this exercise. I am not an artist. She was fugly to say, to say it nicely, this weird looking face with like, big, beady eyes that were full of fear. Some reason she had, like, big, curly Afro hair. I don't know why, but this is just what what she looked like when I drew her out. And ever since that moment, I can now sit with her and say, you know, I appreciate that. Here you are trying to protect me. I understand that this is a coping mechanism from, you know, that childhood trauma, or, you know, like you said, that moment when I was six, when somebody was yelling at me, and this is, you know, you're protecting me by saying, We, I don't know where that $5,000 is. We don't like, let's do this together, right? So I. I can sit with her, and I can have those conversations with her, and I can, you know, explain, I literally will try to explain to her. This is, you know, yes, we are doing something big and scary, but it's also awesome, and it's also super cool, like we get to go and we are down in this amazing country, and we're exploring and will it be forever? I don't know. Will it be, you know, our the be all in the end all, I don't know. But for right now, we are having a good time, so let's be okay with it. So that was, that's the way that I have learned how to, to manage that, to understand it, and just just sit with her and, you know, take her outside of me, because that fear mechanism isn't me. It's something that I created to protect me in those moments growing up when it wasn't a good space.

Erin Currin: 46:01

Yeah, that's really powerful. And it's also, I think, a beautiful thing to approach her with compassion. Because if this is the imaginary friend or whatever it was that you created when you were small and fearful, like she really was your protector and and to try to just minimize that or to ignore it, I personally believe creates many, many more challenges on down the line. Oh yeah. I mean my my mother had dementia toward the end of her life, and it was really interesting to listen to some of the conversations, because some of the things that they say, it's coming from somewhere, and especially when it's someone who has worked like The the older generation, well, like the generation older than me, the boomers, they were, so Leave It to Beaver. Like, got it all together. Can't let the neighbors see what's going on. Like, you don't talk about it. And the incidence of dementia in that generation is insane. Yeah, I personally believe that it's because there's just so many closets filled with so many skeletons that they just never went back and dealt with, that it just gets the voices get to be too loud, yeah. And if, if you aren't prepared and you don't have the tools, or you haven't practiced using the tools, because if you're not practicing a sword in the hands of a coward is useless. Yeah? So I think that's a really beautiful thing.

Victoria Lefebre: 47:57

Thank you. Yeah, it took time for me to learn that, because, you know, and I think it's important that people understand that you do, you do have all these different parts of yourself, and they are accumulation of all your life experiences, right? And like you said, that little person that you created to protect yourself, or that you know that joy that you created to shift out of maybe something that was a horrible situation, so you created a fake Joy character, like there's all these characters that our minds have created and learning to sit with them, to understand them. I did a lot of inner child work that that was a major part of my healing. But just you have to have compassion for for that part of you, because it's, it was almost it was created out of necessity, for some reason. And I do agree that, you know, I see, you know, my parents generation and my grandparents, my grandparents are well past now, but that whole generation, those last couple generations there at the end, there's, there is so much burden that they are carrying that they just, It's, it's, it's heartbreaking to see, because you just, I'm like, I'll be like, let's have a conversation with your little self, you know, like, please, like, let's do this. Let's try. But it's so it's so difficult for them. And I think, you know, a major part of my healing was just learning to have compassion for for that part of myself. I'm not perfect. I still, you know, have moments where I catch myself thinking horrible things, or like, why are you being such an idiot? And then I realize, okay, wait, I need to, I need to speak nicer to her, because, you know, she's trying her best.

Erin Currin: 49:53

So, yeah, it's really beautiful. Earlier, the thought that I was, like, put. To pin in it. Come back to it, just for you know, the listener who wants to close that loop. Have you read the book The Untethered Soul? Yes. Michael singer, yeah.

Victoria Lefebre: 50:11

Actually, I don't have it with me, but I, I have the deck of cards that goes with that book. And so I love it, because I'll, you know, every, every morning I usually do like a journaling and a card or something this morning. I actually use that deck this morning. And I just love the little the little quotes that are in it. And brings me back to that reminder, you know, to to understand our internal beings and that we're more. We're so much more than just this meat suit, right? So that's true.

Erin Currin: 50:47

I The the main premise that Mickey talks about Michael singer is this idea of whatever feels bad we want to hold off, and whatever feels good we want to hold on to. And both of those, either the holding something away or the holding something within, blocks the energy. It stops the flow, whether it's the good stuff or the bad stuff. And so if we're not actively allowing the release of the energy, like you with the tapping and also with the inner child work, if you're not acknowledging the things that you're trying to hold at bay, or the things that you're trying to hold on to, then the blockage just it's like the pipes get clogged, and then stuff doesn't flow, and then shit is going to back up and overflow out of the toilet all over the bathroom floor, and it's messy and it smells bad and it's horrible. So I love the way he he just really, he encourages, like, whatever it is, it doesn't matter what it is. It's just about really being in the moment as human as you possibly can, and recognizing that this too shall pass.

Victoria Lefebre: 52:12

Yeah, yeah, it, and it's, it's not easy to do, right? You know, even in those Joy moments, like you said, we want to, like, oh my gosh, I want to hold this and I don't want to let it go. And, you know, I did. I found that too in that whole process, you know, as my kids are leaving the house and they're moving out, I had to have that reminder, because I just wanted to, you know, we'd have, I can remember we'd have, we always do like a family dinner once a week, so Sunday night would be our family dinner, and everyone's required at the table. No excuses. If you have friends, they can come. But like you are required at the table. It was one of my rules. And I can remember before my oldest made his trip, he moved across the country before he left, I can remember sitting at the table and just thinking that I just like, I just need this to stay. I just need this to stay. I just like, I had this feeling like I had to hold on to this moment forever, and yes, we have to hold those memories. But it was that I wasn't allowing myself to be present in that moment and enjoy, because I was worried that the joy was going to go away and it was going to be replaced by the sadness of him moving so it was a it was that learning to be joyful in the moment when it's there and yeah, it's it, is it? Is it is difficult. It's not easy.

Erin Currin: 53:44

Aspects of trust, yeah, yeah, trusting that we're on this journey for a purpose, and that we're it's not like we're going someplace. It's like, I love the idea that it's the journey that's the point, not the destination, because once you get to the destination, then what you're going to pick another destination and get on to another journey. So why not just enjoy the journey where you are?

Victoria Lefebre: 54:15

Yeah, yeah. That's powerful, beautiful.

Erin Currin: 54:20

Well, at this point in our conversation, I'd like to ask if there's a thought, a tool, practice, something you'd like to leave the audience with, whether we've covered it or it's something we didn't get to and you think it's super important. What do you have?

Victoria Lefebre: 54:38

Well, obviously, I love my my tapping. I mean, I would love for everyone to at least experience that. But I think the the heart of the tapping and the heart of the whole process is that we need to acknowledge all parts of the journey. We need to be understanding that, like you said, it is a journey. And you know whether you're using a tapping meditation to acknowledge and move through a big emotion and then move into the space that you want to be in, just knowing that it is okay to acknowledge. You know that sometimes you're just putting lipstick on a pig and to sit with those feelings that are heavy, that are difficult, that are pulling you down, and ask them, you know, why are you here? What is this showing me? What? Where am I going from here? What is you know? What is present? I think that is such a vital part. Whatever you choose, you know whatever method you choose, whether you pray, you meditate, you you chant, whatever it is, acknowledge, first how you are in your present being, and then allow yourself to feel and move through.

Erin Currin: 55:54

Well said, because you can't properly navigate from where you are to where you want to be if you're lying about where you are, yeah, doesn't work, yeah, yeah. Well, it has been an absolutely fantastic hours speaking with you, Victoria, like just such an amazing story. Thank you so much for joining me.

Victoria Lefebre: 56:17

Oh, thank you. This has been great. I didn't even realize it was an hour, to be honest. So such a good conversation. Thank you.

Erin Currin: 56:25

You're very welcome. And to those of you who are tuning in, thank you for joining us for another episode of the secret of my success. We'll see you next time. Thank you so much for tuning in. This has been the secret of my success, where we explore what it means to live a fulfilling life again. I am your host, Erin Currin. We thank you for listening to our podcast, and we hope that you have benefited from this conversation in some way. And if you haven't already, please subscribe and if you like the episode, give us a like. Erin. You.