The Cost of Ignoring Your Inner Voice - Heidi Wells (E041)

What if the voice you stopped trusting is the one that could change your life?

In this episode of The Secret of My Success, Erin Currin sits down with NLP and hypnotherapy practitioner Heidi Wells to talk about what it takes to finally listen to your intuition after years of ignoring it.

After spending 20 years in a marriage she knew deep down wasn’t right, Heidi began to recognize the patterns that had kept her stuck—fear, religious expectations, trauma responses, and a lifetime of second-guessing herself.

“Twenty years of really not trusting myself, when I had a lot of little nudges and knowings…”

In this conversation, Heidi shares how chronic illness, nervous system shutdown, and deep inner work eventually forced her to confront the truth—and reclaim her voice.

You’ll hear about:
• Why we override our intuition
• How trauma patterns keep us stuck in relationships
• What the nervous system has to do with healing
• The danger of outsourcing your inner wisdom
• How learning to trust yourself changes everything

“If you haven't already, go spend time with yourself. I think that that's where it will be.”

If you’ve ever wondered whether the life you’re living is really yours, this conversation will resonate deeply.

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In This Episode
• Why we ignore our intuition—even when we know something is wrong
• The impact of trauma patterns and attachment wounds in relationships
• How chronic stress and emotional suppression affect the body
• The difference between religious structure and personal faith
• Why thoughts are often just stories our brain creates
• The role of the nervous system in healing and emotional regulation
• How learning to ask “What do I really want?” changes everything
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About Heidi Wells
Heidi Wells is a Master Practitioner of NLP and hypnotherapy with a background in biology and a passion for emotional healing. She blends neuroscience, unconscious mind work, and intuitive insight to help women stop second-guessing themselves and reconnect with their inner voice.

Her work focuses on helping women feel safe in their bodies again so they can create lasting change with clarity, confidence, and self-trust.
https://www.facebook.com/wells1heidi

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About the Podcast
The Secret of My Success explores what it truly means to live a fulfilling life. Each episode dives into the turning points, paradigm shifts, and hard-won wisdom that shape our personal journeys.

Hosted by Erin Currin, the show invites thoughtful conversations with people who have faced life’s challenges and discovered something meaningful on the other side.
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👍 If you enjoyed this conversation, like the video, subscribe, and share your thoughts in the comments.

What part of Heidi’s journey resonated most with you?

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Subscribe to the YouTube channel here.

Transcript

Heidi Wells: 0:00

I was young and we got pregnant. So being in the kind of strict religious upbringing that I had, nobody said it, but it was like kind of this innate sense that you better do the right thing. I ended up in a lot of misery. Twenty years of really not trusting myself, when I had a lot of little nudges and knowings, and times when I knew even betrayal was going on and I didn't trust my gut.

Erin Currin: 0:31

Hello and welcome to the secret of my success, where we explore what it means to live a fulfilling life. I am your host. Erin Currin, thank you so much for joining. Today we're speaking with Heidi wells. She is a Master Practitioner of NLP and hypnotherapy. She has a background in biology and a deep passion for emotional healing. She combines practical tools with intuitive insight to help women create real change and lasting change. She is especially passionate about supporting women who feel like they have lost touch with themselves, women who are ready to stop second guessing, start trusting their own voice again and live life with more ease, clarity and purpose. I hope you enjoy today's episode. If you do, please give us a like and consider subscribing. Thank you so much. Now on with the show, Heidi, thank you so much for joining us today.

Heidi Wells: 1:33

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here,

Erin Currin: 1:37

Awesome. I'm looking forward to our conversation. So where I normally start our guests is some sort of a paradigm shift or a challenge that really reshaped the way they engage with life. So where would you like to get us started?

Heidi Wells: 1:55

That's a deep one. Um, I feel like the best way to go. I had a very, very long marriage, 20 year long marriage that took me a very long time, 20 years to be ready to leave this marriage. So I think probably that would, you know, fit the bill. Everything that went into that I had to question a lot of frameworks of thought, belief systems and everything to really prepare myself to do that. So...

Erin Currin: 2:28

That sounds like a great place to start. Okay, so married for 20 years. I can relate. I am actually divorced twice. The second one was 17 years because the first one, I ended after seven, and with enough personal development, I started to see that it was me that... Like, there was nothing wrong. And so with the second one, I didn't want to pull the plug, because the first one, I jumped cord too soon. With the second one, I think I was in probably five years too long. So tell me, people get married because they fall in love. You're in this relationship. Catch us up on how did it start and how was it going. And then where did you get to the point where you were like, "I don't know... maybe..."

Heidi Wells: 3:27

Well, I think from the beginning, it was off. Had I known to trust certain things inside of myself, I don't think I would have ever married this person. And I don't want to speak ill of him. We had our trauma patterns, right? We had our we own... We had our own junk, so to speak. But I was young, you know. I was in my 20s, and we got pregnant. So being in the kind of strict religious upbringing that I had, you almost feel kind of shoehorned in a certain direction. Nobody said it, but it was like kind of this innate sense that you got to do the right thing. And I think he probably felt that he never would have said it, because, you know, it would have broken my heart. But yeah, so we both did the we did the right thing, and ended up in a lot of misery, co-misery, you know, because I'm not perfect either. You know, I had my part in the patterns and stuff. So yeah, 20 years of dealing with that and really not trusting myself, when I had a lot of little nudges and knowings and times when I just knew even betrayal was going on and I didn't trust my gut and just different things that I just kept shoving down my own intuition and my own wisdom and hindsight. Right?

Erin Currin: 4:53

Hindsight is always twenty twenty. Yes Many people, I think, have that kind of an experience where you're playing around. You're having fun. Then this question comes up, and for some people, certain options just aren't on the table, right? You know, which is everyone's prerogative to go in the direction that they choose to go. Had you been dating for a long time? Or was it just sort of like, Yeah, you were kind of dating and testing things out. And oops?

Heidi Wells: 5:30

It was, I mean, it was serious, but I would not call it a long time nine months. Got pregnant at nine months, so no, but when you're young and you have certain attachment wounds that I had, things feel longer than they are. Time gets distorted, and you have a premature attachment to someone. And you think it's love when really it's fear and survival And I didn't understand that at the time, so tucked myself in that has made you attached. So of course, I didn't understand that at the time. I just thought safe, safety. You know, maybe... maybe finally someone will... I can just tuck myself in under the shadow of someone else, and I'll be okay. Instead of realizing there's something in here that's a standalone and beautiful all on its own. and then kind of hid in that shadow for such a long time.

Erin Currin: 6:26

Yeah, yeah, I can really get that we don't know what we don't know really. And so it's like we go out into the world and we're thinking that life is going to be a certain way, or we're hoping that life isn't going to be the way that we've just come from, and so we're willing to latch on to whatever it is that comes along, thinking, "Oh, this is my prince charming. This is my shot at making things right." So 20 years is a long time. When did you start you said that you were getting signs along the way. How did you deal with them? I guess I'll start there.

Heidi Wells: 7:12

Yeah. Well, I learned how to gaslight myself really well.

Erin Currin: 7:19

Fun.

Heidi Wells: 7:20

Oh, yeah. And then even after discovering some of the intuition and just the knowing was accurate even then, and then finding out the truth of certain things, then it's like, okay, now I'm put in this position to have a fork in the road, but my need for safety overrode the other path every single time, and I would choose,"oh," you know, "now we're at that pivotal crisis moment." And you romanticize the dumpster fire that's happening, you're like, "Now he'll get it, and he'll choose this, and he'll come and save the Day." And it's just absurd and ridiculous, but... Maybe not. Because it's part of the path, and it's part of the story, and I gained so much through this, and then side note, part of it too, with just having these feelings like,"This isn't right. This is terrible. This is bad. I feel like I'm dying." All of that. I was in that religious context where I don't think it was intentional harm. You know, I love these people that, you know, were a part of this path. But... there is this underlying current of an idea that if you love harder and you respect better, and you stay quiet and And it's just be a good be a good Christian woman, you know, you just keep showing up and doing all of these loving things, that somehow it'll be enough to override all of this other stuff that's going on. kind of idea, and that was a hard one to walk away from. So...

Erin Currin: 9:01

yeah, truly, Personally, I think that there's been a massive shift in how each generation deals with life, because in my parents generation, they didn't ask questions about their upbringing or think about the traumas or the things that shape the way they see the world. And I personally believe that my mother's unwillingness to deal with the stories that she was running in her mind about her life led to her having dementia at the end of her life, because there were so many places that she wouldn't go when I would go to her and try to talk to her about some of the things that I remembered experiencing so that I could complete."Oh, you're so sensitive." That's bullshit. It was always hiding things. Pushing things away. And it's like when she got to the stage of dementia, and I really started to see, I mean, pieces of memories and conversations would come out. And I was thinking to myself, all of this stuff is locked up in there, like that woman must have been drowning for the majority of her life. And here I am trying to, you know, let's talk through all of this stuff. And she's like, bullshit. It's in boxes. I'm not interested. So, yeah, there are very often times that people who happen to be in coaching and people who happen to be in personal development, we don't know how much further ahead of the curve we really are, and so, you know the church going community, the the the family, the friends, they think that, you know, everything is fine. My brother's philosophy, he's been married 30 years, I guess, and they almost got divorced once. But my brother's... my brother's philosophy is, you only have one first marriage. Bless him. They're still together. Their kids are well adjusted. Whatever they've done, they've done well enough to be... and here I am sitting with, you know, two divorces going "no, I just... I wasn't willing to stay in that kind of a space." I think that it's it's just up to each of us individually. So thinking about that, I love how you frame that, because I hear that you're not blaming the people who are around you, But then what... Like, you're ignoring all of these exit ramps that you keep driving by. How did you finally decide to call it quits?

Heidi Wells: 12:10

Goodness. Near the end of the relationship? So in the last, what, maybe five years of the relationship, my body was like, SOS stop signs everywhere. It was just full shut down. Chronic fatigue syndrome. auto immune flares of every kind. Food sensitivities. It was just my body was like, "You're not listening, so I'm going to make you listen." Right? So that started happening. I was dealing with that, and kind of even in that space, really diving into the brain and studying how trauma affects the brain and the nervous system, and then how that's a chain reaction, and all of it kind of led me to the space where I just had to get quiet with myself. right? And with God. So even the faith piece of this starting to kind of challenge the structure of it, still believing in God, believing in a higher power, but really challenging that rigid, I don't know, rule based system, so tapping into source for me. And sitting in the quietness of my own self and getting real about what's actually going on in my head, in my emotions and my thoughts, in my body, and acknowledging this is real right now. This is, this is my reality. So that I think that started something, you know, jumping into that, diving in that rabbit hole was, I don't know, mind blowing just like and from there, there was a big explosion with something that came out in the marriage that I was just not willing to tolerate. I found out about it, and we had two years of separation. And even then, I still kind of tucked my mind and heart back into the Oh, it's going to be okay, because now he'll really get it right. So we ended up doing two years of separation with being mentored by pastors and all of these things... Read... Took our vows again. You know, we did vow renewal ceremony and everything before it all happened all over again. So all of this, you know, there's this, this turmoil where I'm starting to get more and more clear on what I'm actually feeling, where we're going. And I started to realize that the biggest obstacle to to this whole situation was me. I was the one continuing to choose to stay in it, because I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that I was strong enough, competent enough, capable enough, all of the things, enough to take care of myself and be okay on my own, you know. And that's a hard thing to admit to yourself when when you've lived in survival mode. That you have the type of survival that tucks itself in, right? So, yeah, I was mind bending and and then this was kind of cool. I got to that pivotal place after the second episode, we'll call it, where I just was kind of crying out to my source. You know, God, however, everyone has their own idea of what that is. But I was like, I need to know that. I know that I know that I can trust what I know. And that night, I had a very, very vivid, very detailed dream. I won't even walk you through the details of it. It's not necessary. But it was, it was in like, full scale, color 3d and there was just no mistaking, if you stay here like, this is damage. This is not just for you, but for your kids. So it was that. And then, you know, a final kind of plea from my 18 year old son at the time, who was just watching the shrapnel, and was like, "Mom, what are you doing?" You know, what are you doing? I don't know, clearly. So all of that, it was just kind of the snowballing effect that led me to get really brave, and then I did it, and I did it scared, and I am so proud of myself. So

Erin Currin: 16:18

I am too that really... it takes so much courage to challenge reality, because when we're encountering these things, it doesn't seem like this is one possibility out of many, it feels like this is life, and there are no other options like this. Is it? Yeah, did at the time, were you feeling, even though it sounds like there were many oppportunities... Many instances where your your husband was dealing with the fact that the marriage wasn't work because, face it, the husband, was dealing with pain as well. The marriage wasn't working with for him either, right? And he didn't have a mission, a calling, an intuition. He was just numbing and dealing with life the way he did. So I'm not one of those kind of people who thinks that the the abuse, like "the abuser shouldn't be doing what they're doing," but at the same time, there's a reason behind what they do. Yes, so it doesn't mean stay there and tried to fix him for somebody who might be listening and going, "Oh, look. But she said..." No, no, you still want to get out of a burning building, even if the building is, you know, a valuable historic monument. It doesn't matter. Get the hell out. But that it's that that doubt that pops up the but "what if I'm wrong?" "But what if it was just this one last time?" Because have you read the book, Think and Grow Rich? In the beginning of that book, there's an example where this guy. It's the California gold rush. He's writing a story about this guy. He goes and he buys all of this mining equipment, and he gets all of these reports done, and he's digging, and he's digging, and he finds gold, and then it like runs dry, and he runs it runs dry just short of him being able to break even. So he got frustrated. He took all of his stuff into town and sold it and went back east. And the guy who bought the equipment paid a geologist. There was a seismic shift, and if you just went three feet further, you would find the motherlode. So, you know, we often think we get caught in this, but there's a possibility, you know, maybe if I just try harder, do the dishes earlier, you know, whatever it is, like, whatever he complains about, I'll try to be better, but at the same time, at some point. There's a story that both of you are going through that would serve you if you would actually listen to the messages. Right? So, you've decided to cut ties. Now. You're taking a step outside. What did that look like?

Heidi Wells: 19:49

Well, I mean, initially it was the scariest thing I've ever done. It was like standing at the edge of a canyon and you have to take the step and there's nothing underneath your foot, but you know that if, if you don't do it, you're going to die, is the feeling. So it's like, "okay, I'm in a conundrum here." So it was terrifying, but it was this peace that came right after I moved me and my son was still... I wanted to be able to give him, you know, a place to stay for his first couple years of college. And so we had done that for my daughter, and I was, like, really awkward situation, but so I got an apartment with a second bedroom for him, and we moved in, and I just remember both of us being like, "Oh, this is peace right here. This is peace. This is what it feels like." You get moments of peace or whatever, but when the overarching sense of there is this space, there's this little bubble that we have and we can breathe. So it felt really good... and bad... and good.

Erin Currin: 21:04

It's not a straight line, is it?

Heidi Wells: 21:06

No, yeah, yeah. It can be very disorienting, but worth it, yeah.

Erin Currin: 21:15

So were there certain tools that you were using? Were there things that you were learning? Because a little a few moments back, you were talking about how you would sit in silence and you would you were listening to what your body was saying. You were listening to what your intuition was saying. Were there ways that you learned to cultivate that? Was it something that just came to you intuitively? How did that work?

Heidi Wells: 21:40

Some Yes, and some based on just work stuff. So the stuff that I had learned for work, I had learned certain things for me, first. Yeah, and then, so it's this whole like convoluted ball of "I need it for me." "I need it for clients." "I need it for all of this." So it was just a series of things built on things built on things. I had started out in the inner healing type circles, which was really beneficial when I was still kind of in that frame of mind. And then I realized the way I was personally engaging, I would never want to talk negatively I was constantly feeling like I needed to do something to intuition. The wisdom, the understanding. connect with something so that I could feel something instead of understanding, in my world view of it, this thing is innate. It's already here based on just being right. So I think that was pivotal understanding. I've been outsourcing for a long time. I need to come back home. I need to bring it back here, even if about it, because it's profound, and a lot of people find a lot it's uncomfortable. And I need to sit with that. And then another thing that was really helpful was really starting to understand thoughts are just thoughts. They're just thoughts, and the majority of them are a made up story in my head that I bought into and is now playing out. So like realizing, oh, okay, that I can actually stop and realize this is what's going on. And it's possible to just notice when you're having a thought and let it kind of float right on by. You don't have to hook into it and pull it in, roll around in it, like it's not necessary. But until you until you know that you have that option to not hook into it. You don't know, like you said before, you don't know what you don't know. So that was really, really important. And then just the nervous system understanding all of this sensory stuff going on, these feelings inside the body. There's nothing wrong. That's not a problem. You know, if we could just kind of step back from "It's so scary and terrible and awful." Well, it's just a feeling, you know. "I wonder what it's saying? I wonder what I need right now? I wonder what this message is?" And just getting away from, oh, it's a good feeling, or it's a bad feeling, or it's a good sensation, or it's a bad one, maybe it's neither. Maybe it just is. So all really, really helpful, and then kind of tapping into some some of the unconscious mind work we're really understanding why certain patterns get automated, and why certain interpretations get automated. And it's they're just protection. They're just protective things, you know? So it takes some of that charge and that sting out of it, it makes it more normal, like normalized and human, and it's like, it's okay to acknowledge I'm a human being that has all of this stuff going on, and it's, it's all right. So I don't know. I don't even know if I answered your question.

Erin Currin: 25:02

I mean, rabbit holes are a thing in this kind of a conversation. You never know where we're going to end up. And that's part of the fun of the podcast, really.

Heidi Wells: 25:17

Do what you will with all of that?

Erin Currin: 25:19

Well, one of the things that I was thinking of, are you familiar with the author, Michael singer? He wrote the Untethered Soul.

Heidi Wells: 25:26

No.

Erin Currin: 25:26

Okay, so Michael Singer wrote a book called The Untethered Soul. He has a, I'm not sure what you would call it. He's got a little facility in North Central Florida where he actually, I think it's like Sunday mornings, he will sit with his congregation and actually share wisdom. And in his books, the thing that he talks about is really how emotion is an energy that processes and there are basically two ways that we experience emotion. It's either something that we want to hold on to because it feels really good, or it's something we want to push away because it feels take a nap. We need to reintegrate, and we'd rather really bad, and either of those is stopping the flow. And if just like, take pills to push through. Now, if you are at a you're stopping the flow, then that energy gets locked in the body somehow, someplace. Because instead of really feeling it and place where those pills are helping you on a day to day opening up and trusting that this is what life is, and it's going to be okay if I let that bad feeling in, or if I let that basis, don't just quit them. And if you're not actively looking wonderful feeling go, it, you know, he encourages this, this flow, figuring out how to free yourself up, because the body for a way to heal the source, then you're just going to be on will store whatever it needs to store to get you to the next experience, our bodies are super resilient, in the muscles, in the fat cells, in in the nuclei, like all in all different aspects of the body. This is where disease comes from. them for the rest of your life, and increasing the dosage, because you're, it's, it's, it's never going to resolve itself. Now, as you're going through this, I love what you were saying about outsourcing your learning, because that's really kind of what it is. There are a lot of times when I catch myself not wanting to be responsible for something, or thinking that I'm going to fuck it up. And so I would rather let somebody else make the decision. I'll follow whatever it is you say, and then I end up not getting what I want, or it goes in a bad direction, and that's really that idea of outsourcing, because it feels so much easier to just let somebody tell you what to do, but that somebody isn't walking in your shoes. So I think that that's extraordinary, that you picked that up. What did it look like to start to take that on for yourself?

Heidi Wells: 29:05

It looked like dealing with the uncomfortable sensations that my body had learned from having a shutdown voice for so long that when you start to allow yourself to have one again, the body is like, this is not safe. You can't do it. You're going to die, you know, the feelings in the body. And so really having to normalize that these feelings, it's okay to have them. I can have them, and I can still practice, you know. And then just starting to make a habit of asking myself, what do I really think? What do I really want you know? Because it's like, I went for so long with not even really thinking about it. It's like, that's not really an option. You don't get to have your own thoughts. So I think it's starting to work a muscle that had never been worked before. So that's quite uncomfortable.

Erin Currin: 30:01

Did you have a coach? Or were you like... did you have guidance along the way? How did you start to learn some of this stuff?

Heidi Wells: 30:08

That part was very, very uncomfortable, and it felt somewhat isolating. And I think that's kind of tied to the religious portion of this kind of ball of stuff that was all kind of happening at the same time. So leaving the marriage and then starting to question the structures that I had been in. So I had a lot of really wise, close friendships, some mentorships and stuff. But it was in that religious context, religious realm, so to speak, and moving through this, I don't even know how to put this into words. When I started to shift and feel myself shifting and starting to question some of the structure I sensed, whether it's real or not. It could be a story that I made up in my head, I just kind of sensed a pull away. And it could have been that mirror, and people weren't comfortable with it, if that makes sense.

Erin Currin: 31:23

So

Heidi Wells: 31:26

Almost this underlying feeling that, I think, that there is an idea that I had left... or that I had lost my faith. Or that I had left my faith. Which isn't accurate. My faith is very much alive and well. I just don't... I just... I can't with the structure, the rigid system that it was, for me, was very tapped into fear. Fear. Lack of trusting in this innate spiritual part of me that is just me. This essence and so, yeah. I really hope I've answered your question... and I never want to talk badly about anyone in any aspect of this story that I've walked right because, I mean, these people are special to me, and I feel distance now, and I don't know where it came from, but it's okay. It's part of it's part of this whole thing so

Erin Currin: 32:23

Well, the beauty of it is... I practice nature in Buddhism. And in Buddhism, we talk about turning poison into medicine. Every person that we encounter, every experience that we have, every aspect of life is called into our lives by our actions, by our behaviors, by our thoughts and the environment is constantly holding up a mirror to go. Is this really what you want? Like this is this is what you ordered off the menu. You know, you you could go a different way if you really wanted to. You have to. You have to be awake enough to pay attention to the causality, right? And it's almost like, you know, the the idea of crabs in a bucket, there's a crab trying to crawl out of the bucket and the other crabs pull it back, and that's really what it is. Those other people might not have had the same intuitive flashes and or they have, and they they aren't at a point where they can trust them. I personally believe that we can't do it alone, and when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. So I find YouTube is one of those, like, bless the algorithms. Like you can say whatever you want, as far as, yeah, sure, it's going to send me all the advertising that I need. But at the same time, some of the biggest shifts that I've made were because I found somebody on YouTube, on Facebook, you know, in one of these venues that I never would have looked for this person in a million years. And here they are in front of me, telling me, you really want to take a look at things from this perspective, his problems aren't your problems. Your problems aren't his problems. And you know, I remember having one conversation with my coach. I had been working with her about six months, and I was talking about saving my marriage right? And all of a sudden she was asking me questions, and they were starting to make me really uncomfortable, because I'd been doing all this work, all this journaling, all this meditating and really thinking about this question. So what does it look like to save your marriage? And I said to her, I don't want to save my marriage. I want to create a partnership that supports the both of us fully. And if my current husband happens to be the one who steps up and leans in to this kind of an idea in this sort of a paradigm, fantastic. Right? But it all of a sudden took all of the pressure off for me to force him to be a certain way, or for me to try to save this one facet of my experience and allow myself to shift and grow. Because, yeah, there are going to be friends that aren't going to be around any longer when you start to think differently, there are going to be people who think that you've lost your way, when in a really strict sense of the word, if that road that they're on is no longer The road that you're on to them you did, but that doesn't mean that in your heart you have exactly yeah. So I know that you're a coach, right? When did you start training to become a coach? Was it before you got divorced, or was it after all of that,

Heidi Wells: 36:21

Yes, so I started in the inner healing circles, which is ministry related. So when I was fully in the church system, still, I got trained and did all of that certification when my kids were little. And then, so we were living in Maryland at the time. So originally from Texas, moved to Maryland, and then when we moved back to Texas, my kids were in school, I started up the practice. So started doing that. It was still very tied to the church circles and word of mouth in those communities. And then when my body crashed. So in that last five years of the marriage, I really dove into the brain stuff, right? Learning, all of that learning as much as I could, reading books and taking courses and and then I can't remember it was before or after that. But I decided, as I just was getting more and more understanding, I wanted to make it more into a business, so I went ahead and went through the certification process to become a life coach, you know. So it kind of gave it a shape. So I'm starting. It's starting to morph already and and then later, as I moved out of the marriage and everything. Then I started learning the NLP tools and the hypnotherapy and the unconscious mind work, and really diving even deeper into really, how do you heal the nervous system? How do you help the nervous system feel secure and connected again, you know, safe? So, yeah, it's been kind of an evolution. And then I moved. I had that, you know that feeling inside when you know you're kind of a little off and it's rubbing up against and so it was that when I was holding this inner healing peace still and holding this other stuff, and I felt like there was this little battle inside where I'm almost feeling apologetic for some of the language I'm using over here. And I'm like, I am conflicted right now, so I had to kind of resolve that, and then just fully move into being me. It's me, you know, it's not this work that I do, it's me. It's me being me and showing up in this space for whoever wants to be in it with me. And then we go.

Erin Currin: 38:40

So, yeah, so I'm getting a picture. Tell me if I'm off base... Here you are as a coach, going to battle for people's dreams and people's happiness and them living their best life while you are ignoring yours and struggling Absolutely. Isn't that ironic?

Heidi Wells: 39:07

Yes, and so common, so common, from what I found out, so excited to go and help everyone else. And while we've done a lot of the work ourselves, there are still certain blind spots that we have, and we need someone to hold mirrors for us. And I remember an NLP practitioner that I went to for myself, you know, that kind of got the ball rolling for me to even explore it. And it was, you know, Pivotal. They just we have the way of holding up mirrors for people and as coaches, we need it too. It's really, really crucial and imperative. So, yeah,

Erin Currin: 39:48

It's so like, people have no idea how much we lie to ourselves, because, you know, earlier you said you were gaslighting like that was an unusual thing, and it's really not. Right? One analogy that I learned a long time ago that I really love, and so I use it as often as I possibly can, is when you are trying to solve a problem, like something keeps happening. If something keeps happening in my life, if I am trying to think my way out of it. I am asking the thief who stole my money to help me find it. That's never going to work, right? Because Einstein said, what is it? There's the the mind that creates the problem, and you have to be in a different mind to be able to find the solution, because those are two completely different things. So yeah, I don't think that that's unusual, but I wanted to highlight that because there might be somebody who's out there who's learning all of these really amazing things, like how to craft the perfect vision. For me, what that looked like for so many years was I would get really good at finding the problem. I don't... Are you familiar with Landmark Education at all? Okay, so there are a lot of different personal development courses. Landmark is really good at breaking down how the brain works to the point where I know exactly what age I was when I decided that I wasn't smart enough, what age I was when I decided that I didn't belong. And you know, knowing all of these things is really great, because I can start to see how my life got created, right? But I always was so good at finding the problem. The aspect that I never could seem to figure out was actually creating a future for myself and seeing possibility, kind of like what you were saying you want something. You know you want something, but you're not allowed to want something, because who are you? Right? And so I think that it's absolutely brilliant. I got so good at finding the problem that I would find all of the problems that I possibly could, and then I would end up sitting there going, Okay, now something should open up. Where is it? And I just my foot was nailed to the floor with this. And it's just probably in the last couple of years where I started to trust myself. I don't need to be like the rest of my family. I don't need to live life the way they think that it should be lived. I'm allowed to, to want to do a podcast and to unapologetically lean into coaching and doing all of these things that so many people that I've known for so many years think are strange, right? So, how did you start to give yourself permission to really want those things that you've wanted?

Heidi Wells: 43:10

I don't even know. I don't even know if I could put my finger on a specific turning point for that. I feel like it was a little out of time, you know, in the context that I had moved through, moving into the apartment with my son, choosing to walk away from organized religion and the structure of it even just those two things. So the one being in the apartment and having just that peace, because the chaotic energy of our dynamic was gone, right? So there I am. I'm just I'm with myself, and then stepping away from that obligation that I had kind of felt to being a good woman, being a good Christian woman, and showing up and doing these things, even though I was feeling so conflicted, right? So walking away from that structure, and it really created this kind of space, the spaciousness where I could, I don't know, become more of an objective observer to the system that I had been in before, before I was fully immersed in it. So I was in it, and it was really up close, and it was foggy. And the more I kind of stepped back and looked at it, and looked at how I had been engaging with it, and it just kind of cleared up. So like this clarity happened and and I started to see, "wow, this, there's so much fear here. So much fear." And then I kind of shifted into doing something that I'd loved in college, which was country dancing. My daughter... When... Right before she turned 21 she remembered me telling her stories of my college days and how much fun I had country dancing. And so she was like, hey. Mom when I turn 21 can we go? And I'm like, yes, so we went, and then I instantly got hooked again. And she'll come out every once in a while now, but mostly, you know me, I got obsessed. And even in that space, in the church bubble, I didn't realize how isolated to one frame it was. Like, it's hard to even explain what I'm trying to say. I didn't even know how to interact with people outside of that context very well. You know, I'm... I noticed I was using certain words that other people think are probably weird. You know, it can't really relate to the language. So even just going and going to the dance hall and just loving it and having so much fun and dancing with people. And you, you get to interact with people of every different variety. And that was another thing I noticed, because there was so much fear, right that I noticed, I noticed I was afraid of people. If you weren't in this Christian bubble. I need to be afraid of you. And I saw it, and I was like, that's kind of gross. You know, I was all about love, you know, everything, love, love, love, love. And here I am, and I'm looking at this thing. I'm like, that's very not love. That's not it. So, yeah, it was just sort of the slow slide into expansion and openness and starting to see, like people, oh my god, there's this whole world out here of people that are pretty cool and love this, you know, and just hearing people's stories, and for whatever reason, people just like to tell me their stories I've heard, I have this peaceful thing. And so people just kind of come over and they just want to kind of sit and and talk about life and talk about things. And so I get to hear, you know, privy details of of life, and it's, it's just me. There's so many perspectives and ways of seeing things and histories that I wouldn't have got otherwise. So yeah, it's been, it's been a wild ride, very disorienting, coming out of something that felt like it was stable, only to realize that it was a bubble.

Erin Currin: 47:13

So yeah, that's brilliant. So the one thing that I see in what you're sharing is that life has been slowly preparing you as you've gone along with the different dimensions of coaching and supporting other people and helping people deal with their challenges and really evolving their lives to greater levels of happiness and fulfillment that eventually it just got to be so in your face that you couldn't ignore it anymore. That kind of how it worked. There. It's, it's, I think it's a beautiful thing, because if you have a mission, the universe is going to keep coming and tapping you on the shoulder. I don't think that that that little voice ever goes away, as much as we try to hide it, to medicate it, to placate it, to ignore it. It's, it's, It's like if you're being called toward something and it keeps coming back, it really will be fulfilling. Even after you've gone through that dark night of the soul, it's so much better on the other side. It's so worth it. And you'll you'll start to understand why all of those pieces came together in exactly that way. Because that's specifically what you needed to heal, to evolve, to grow, and some of us struggle with it a little bit more than others. I personally believe that I've struggled with a lot of my challenges for so long, just because I needed to understand many of the tools and the options and the ideas and the philosophies so well that I can help other people navigate them. It's... It really is... It's brilliant, because there's so much out there, and it fits different people in different ways, because you, you, you mentioned NLP and hypnotherapy, not everybody is going to get what those are. And if it's a little too weird for somebody today, it might be okay for them in five years. You might

Unknown: 49:39

I thought I was weird before. introduce...

Erin Currin: 49:42

Yeah,

Heidi Wells: 49:43

I was actually, when I first started being introduced to these tools that religious voice from prior was"Fear! Fear! That's scary!" And it would have kept me from even understanding or trying to learn what it is. Because once I did learn what it is, it's not at all what I was taught or what I thought at all. like it's just, it's not. So it's very misunderstood in certain circles. Which is sad, because it's such a beneficial, powerful, useful tool and strategy. So yeah,

Erin Currin: 50:21

I absolutely agree.

Heidi Wells: 50:22

There's my soapbox.

Erin Currin: 50:23

That's... Preach it! So we are almost at the end of an hour. It's been an extraordinary conversation. Thank you for sharing yourself so generously. I'd like to ask if there's a thought or an idea that you'd like to leave the audience with, whether it's something you want to circle back to, or something that you'd like to slide in here as we're wrapping up.

Heidi Wells: 50:49

Sure, I think it's super simplistic, and it's probably the overarching theme of this whole hour. If you haven't already, go spend time with yourself. I think that that's where it will be. Whatever the thing is, that's where it will be. Yeah, and I'm not even going to tell you how to do it.

Erin Currin: 51:17

I think that's perfect, because like, like you mentioned earlier, when you very clearly and specifically ask the universe for an answer or a solution to a challenge or a problem, you will always get the answer. You just might not be(a) willing to hear what it is, or (b) able to hear what it is because you've been ignoring it for so long. So we all know what those nudges are, don't we?

Heidi Wells: 51:53

I mean, I hope so work the muscle.

Erin Currin: 51:58

Exactly. Beautifully said. Well, Heidi, thank you. Thank you for sharing yourself so generously and for for giving us a view into your evolution. It's beautiful experience.

Heidi Wells: 52:15

Thank you so much for having me. This was it was great. I really enjoyed it. It's an honor to be invited to chat with you today.

Erin Currin: 52:22

You're very welcome. And for those of you viewers and listeners who have continued on through the hour with us, thank you so much for tuning in, and we'll see you next time. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of The Secret of My Success, where we explore what it means to live a fulfilling life. Again, I am your host, Erin Currin. If you have not already, please consider subscribing, and if you enjoyed today's episode, give it a like. Drop a comment. Please let us know what you'd like to hear and see more of. We're happy to accommodate. Until next time.