Worthiness and Healing - Danielle Francine (#019)

In this conversation, Erin Currin and Danielle Francine discuss personal growth, freedom, and the transformative power of a sense of worthiness. Danielle shares her experience leaving her marriage and the shift it brought to her self-perception and approach to life. They also discuss the importance of understanding subconscious beliefs and patterns in relationships. Danielle emphasizes the importance of clarity in what one wants and deserves in a relationship and the power of manifestation. She shares her own experience of manifesting her ideal partner. 

Erin and Danielle explore the process of self-discovery and healing. They share personal experiences with childhood wounds, relationships, and work situations, and how they have learned to understand and release patterns that no longer serve them. They delve into the importance of self-awareness, recognizing patterns, and choosing from a place of worthiness. 

The conversation emphasizes the power of understanding the source of our experiences and taking responsibility for our own lives. It concludes with a reminder that every experience is a lesson and an opportunity for growth.

Danielle Francine is a body transformation expert. She works with women, primarily with nutrition and training to help them step into their desired results.  She does this not only physical, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, looking to achieve freedom in all areas. 

You can find our more about Danielle on her Facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/greene.lithium

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Transcript

Worthiness and Healing

 Erin Currin:  
There's even a countdown… 

Hi, welcome to The Secret of My Success, the podcast where we explore what it means to live a fulfilling life. I am your host, Erin Currin. You will notice that today I am in person with my guest, the amazing Danielle Francine. Danielle, why don't you say hi to our audience and tell them a little bit about yourself. 

Danielle Francine:  
Hello. And thank you for having me. Super excited to be here.

My name is Danielle Francine and I am a body transformation expert. So I work with women, primarily nutrition, training, really helping them step into their desired results, but not only physical, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, looking for the freedom in all areas. So, you know, with that, freedom is one of my core values. And so I am big into personal growth.  Spirituality. Very deep into that and really just looking for any way that I can create more freedom in my life in all facets. 

Erin Currin:  
That's amazing. It's a really powerful place to be. And as you know, I just recently left my full -time job to work on my podcast and my coaching practice full-time.  So freedom really resonates with me.

Danielle Francine:  
Yeah, it's a powerful place to stand when you get to do what you enjoy doing all the time. Absolutely. And really, I feel like in the freedom, like when you are creating your own freedom or breaking free of things that bring you more freedom, it's just there's nothing else like that, I feel. 

Erin Currin:  
I agree.  And I'm going to be experiencing exactly what that's like the more we go through this. So you guys all get to see the transformation as we travel on this journey. And I will say that, while I've mentioned before that I've been working on starting a podcast for five to 10 years, it was being on her podcast last October that really showed me exactly what I was looking to create.  Because I had so many ideas about what it should be. And when you and I just basically thought, “we have these great conversations at coffee shops. Why don't we just record one and put it out there?” And I thought, “well, why not?”  And then when I saw the result, I was so lit up and it was so magical that I was like, fuck, I can do that. 

Danielle Francine: 
And how fun too. 

Erin Currin:  
Yes.

Danielle Francine:  
Like, and just the conversation, the freedom in the conversation.  And to share that with people. I feel like that also brings freedom to other people. The realizations that we've had, the work or the things that we do in our podcast that we did to fix ourselves, right? Our light bulb moments. 

Erin Currin:  
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The episode was about chasing that fix by doing personal development courses.

Personal course on course on course, and just chasing, chasing your tail basically, because, they're just going to keep you coming back. If you're not doing the work when you're leaving a classroom, trust me, you're not going to get anywhere. Well, that actually leads us to, I'd like to ask you about your life and your life experience, because many of our guests share a challenge or an experience that they've had that really had them shift their context for life. And so what would you like to share with our audience about what comes up for you?

Danielle Francine:  
So I really the biggest shift that I've had in my life… Is it the biggest shift? I think probably the biggest shift that I've had in my life to date was leaving my marriage, getting a divorce. And that was about two years ago.

Actually, before that marriage had ended before that and we were both still in it. But, that time was a, we'll call it a rock bottom, right? Because I feel like everybody has a rock bottom moment or maybe like, I thought that I had had a rock bottom moment before, until I was in the middle of that. And it really… It shifted the way that I saw myself. It shifted the way that I really approached life or approached relationship, the way that I cared for myself, self -love.  And leaving that relationship, I had this moment where at that time, my husband, so he still my husband at the time, I had told him “You gotta go, like you gotta get out of the house.” 

I wasn't sure if I was going to move back to New Jersey (that's where I'm from) or if I was gonna stay in Florida. I have no family here. So I was driving back to the house and my realization was you're stepping into your worthiness. You've been in this place for so many years with this man and having the same thing happen over and over.  

We’re not close. We're not talking. We're not connected, like really in any way. So, why was I staying there? Because I didn't think that I was worthy and I was trying to prove that I was worthy. Like I can get this man to love me the way that I want. I can get the affection that I want. I can get the communication that I want. And really it was the opposite. It was like, no, actually

You're proving that you're worthy by leaving the relationship that is not, it's not serving you. So why would you stay? Like you've stayed long enough. 

Erin Currin:  
Yeah. That's super powerful because it's like we watch all of these Disney princess movies and all of these happily ever after things. And I remember one time many years ago, I went to a Buddhist conference and one of the senior leaders was saying for one person staying married is the victory and for another person getting the divorce is the victory. And so we have these unspoken expectations that we believe we're supposed to measure up to. And it sounds like you ran into one of those or several. 

Danielle Francine:  
Yeah. And really, mean, one of the biggest ones for me was my core beliefs that were instilled in me as a child in the church. You don't get divorced. Like it doesn't matter what's happening in the marriage. It doesn't matter if somebody's cheating on you or like you stay and you work it out. Like you know. 

Erin Currin: 
Yeah. 

Danielle Francine:  
And so working through that during that time and realizing that I had that belief and that was a part of the reason of why I did stay as long as I stayed was really tough, right? You would think it would be like, well, like I'm not even, I'm not even a practicing Christian anymore in that way. Why can't I just let it go? It's like we have these things so deep inside of us and sometimes we don't even realize how deep it is or what's there? 

Erin Currin:  
Right. Well, and that I think speaks to the idea you've ever, you've, if you've ever seen those memes on Facebook or the pictures and personal development courses where they show the iceberg and there's the little bit above the water, which is your conscious mind. then the whole big chunk underneath that's your subconscious. And that's where all of these dragons

Like all of those beliefs that you picked up when you were a child are hiding down those dark hallways and they don't pop up until they think that we need protecting. And in that moment, it's not something that can be reasoned with. It's not something that you can negotiate with or you can ask questions about because when that particular idea, belief or philosophy shows up, it's ready to fight because it needs to protect. Absolutely. And so like, in my experience, I have no access to understanding what's going on when I'm in that fight or flight kind of space.

Well, I guess the question is how did you come to this realization for yourself? Because many people are like, well, am I the person who should stay married or am I the person who should get divorced? Because there's a story that I heard when I first started practicing nature and Buddhism of this woman who was so miserable in her marriage that she sat at the altar every day and chanted passionately for her husband to die. And I found out about a month ago that that is actually a true story.  I was told who it was and it was somebody that I knew by association. I was like, holy… 

Danielle Francine:  
Did he die? 

Erin Currin:
No, he actually… He… How was it?

He was somebody who had a particular position of responsibility in an organization. And that organization, like somehow it came back around to him that he was a tyrant and he was insufferable. And it didn't come from her. It came from the people that he had been working with. And it came in such a way that he realized how horrible he was being. And because he was a practicing Buddhist as well.

He went to his practice and started chanting to unearth his dark side and they were able to work it out. And so like truly magical. You are allowed to say, I really hate where I am right now, but it's not always time to break out the blow torch and just burn shit down. 

Danielle Francine:
Right, right. Yeah, yeah. So for me, what was your, tell me your question again.

Erin Currin:
How did you know or what was the way you found out that it was time to wrap things up? Because you're in the relationship and what you, if I heard you correctly, what you had said was you already, the marriage was already kind of done, but neither one of you was doing anything about it. So what had you finally get up off your ass? 

Danielle Francine:
That's a great question. So, I mean, we had had the conversation many times prior to this last conversation. And what really it was for me was I felt like I was in a really good place emotionally, spiritually, financially, that I could, or that I would be fine on my own. And really thought process was even going into having this conversation because it was a conversation that we'd had so many times before. like, it's never changed. So why is it going to change now? So I'm going to have this conversation. This is what's going to happen. And then that's going to be it. So I expected it. I was ready for it. Now the, the kind of trickiness in there I want to say was so I had the conversation and it was the same as it had always been you know like do you want do you want to try and reconnect well yeah I guess like I guess like 

Erin Currin:
 “We're supposed to…” 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah like that makes me feel like well I guess. Like well I'm some great piece of shit that, you know, I guess I want to like okay 

Erin Currin:
“I'm so glad I matter so much to you.”  

Danielle Francine:
Oh my God.  Seriously. 

And I mean, this was a 16 year relationship. Yeah. You know? So doing the work that I do within myself, so I had learned to read the Akashic records. 

Erin Currin:
Okay. 

Danielle Francine:
Because I found out about this and I'm like, all right, well, there's questions that I want to ask because I don't get it. Like I don't understand like where.  Where did things turn and there's like, takes two. So I know it was also me. So what is my part? Because look, if there's a part that I'm playing in this, I don't wanna repeat this. So I go in and I ask all the questions about the relationship and the information that I received was a lot of how I was showing up and what I was not seeing.  

With this information, I was like, okay, well this is new information, these are things that I could change and this could, this could make a difference or it could not. But now because I have this information, I can't just walk away because then I'm going to have this, well, what if I did these things? What if I said these things? 

Erin Currin:
So just to pause for a second for viewers or listeners who may not be familiar, the Akashic Records are sort of like the filing system, the karmic filing system of the universe. It's sort of the spiritual record hall, the library of Congress. And there are people who have an ability to tap in and tell you what you may have been through in previous lifetimes or why this karmic lesson is circling back at this particular time. Would that be accurate?

Danielle Francine:
Yeah, so it's the book of life. It's the record of all souls, all past lives, all lives, basically. And so you can receive information only if it is for your highest good at that time. 

Erin Currin:
It's not like you just walk in and you can look up anything. It's like you've got to go to the gatekeeper who says, not today. 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah. And I've had radio silence before where they won't give me certain information or they'll say no.  Look at this. 

Erin Currin:
No cheat sheets. That sucks. But that's what I thought the Akashic records was for. Well, okay. So now I know. 

Danielle Francine:
So it really is a cheat sheet though. Right. Because think of it this way. If I would have not done that, would have been, I wouldn't have known. And I would have had those things come up. What if I, what if I would have tried this or said this or, know, what if I actually took this perspective? And so that's what I didn't want was to walk away from this because that was another thing. Like this was a long relationship and I thought that this was going to be my husband for the rest of my life. So like, I don't want to fuck up. Right. 

Erin Currin: 
Right. And like putting it on the Catholic background. 

Danielle Francine: 
Yeah. Right. 

Erin Currin: 
Yeah. This is forever. It's a sin to divorce.

Danielle Francine: Yeah. 

Erin Currin: 
And I I'm bad human being. Yeah. 

Danielle Francine: 
And I mean, I did love him. Like if he would have said like, yes, I actually this time do want to, you know, X, Y, and Z and we'll make it work. I would have stayed. Yeah. I would have stayed. Absolutely. 1000%. But instead it was, well, yeah. Okay. I guess. I guess. Well, and it was so when I brought the information to him, I was like, look, like I told him all about the Akashic records. Right. And so by this point, I'm like, this man probably thinks that I’m fucking out of my mind, right? I'm like doing plant medicine and I'm like, yeah, classic records, like I got this information. And he's like, okay. So I'm like, this is what I was shown and this is what I want to do. And I'm asking you to just give me a chance to do this and just see if it makes a difference. And if it doesn't, fine. And if it does, fine. 

Erin Currin: 
Yeah.

Danielle Francine: 
And he was like, “but I thought we decided,” I'm like, “yeah, we did decide. And now I'm asking you, like, I'm asking you for this, please.”  He didn't want to say yes, but he was like, all right. And it didn't work.

Erin Currin:
So it didn't work to save the marriage, but did it make a difference in your relationship? 

Danielle Francine:
It made a difference in my relationship with him, you mean? 

Erin Currin:
Yeah, because I mean, from what I know of you, you're still friends. 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah, yeah. So we are still friends. And no, it didn't make, I believe we would have been friends either way. 

Erin Currin:
Okay. 

Danielle Francine:
That was something that we had both wanted prior to.

Erin Currin:
Right.

Danielle Francine: 
It's not like he hated me or I hated him or there was, you know, we did things to each other. It was, you know, one of the things that he continued to say as we were going through it. He's like, I love you. We love each other, but we're not good in a marriage together. 

Right? It's like we were roommates. We were great friends. We had conversation. They just weren't, we weren't intimate. We weren't, right?

So it came to a point where I think it was probably about maybe a month, not even.  And like I turned everything on, right? I was like, I'm gonna do this. Like I'm all in because if I don't go all in that I'm still gonna have the what ifs.  And he just couldn't, he couldn't get there.  And he, the one day came to me, he's like, look, we gotta talk. Like you're doing all the things.

And I feel really weird.  I just, I can't get back there.  I can't get back there. We're too far gone.

Erin Currin:
Well, and did it serve the purpose for you that you intended? 

Danielle Francine:
Absolutely.  Yep. Because I went all in and it was still a no. So I was like, okay, I can walk away saying I did everything in my power to save this and a hundred percent. 

Erin Currin:
That's awesome. So now what?  You both decided that divorcing was the best course of action.

How has that affected you and how you live your life moving forward? 

Danielle Francine: 
One of the big takeaways from that time in my life and especially right after was being very clear on what it is that I want, what I deserve.  And not settling and not...

What's the word that I'm looking for? Not just basically, well, yeah, settling, taking anything that's like thrown at me, right? 

Erin Currin: 
Taking scraps. 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah, yeah. So from that point, I got super, super, super clear on everything that I wanted. I wrote everything down on paper, like characteristics of the man that I wanted.  Because I want to have an amazing life partner. 

Erin Currin:
Yeah. 

Danielle Francine:
Because I know that I would be one too. and I mean pages, like three columns, each page front and back. 

Erin Currin: 
Oh wow. 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah, like a lot. 

Erin Currin:
All out. 

Danielle Francine:
For sure. And so I would sit. So when I moved out of my home, we sold our home, I moved into my place and I would sit on the balcony every day and I would call, I called it turning on my beacon.  I would sit and I would feel the feeling of being with that partner, perfect partner, what that relationship is like. And just beautiful feeling. And so about three weeks later, I met a man and it was pretty wild because getting to know him. So we had started dating and

maybe a month or two months into it, whatever it was, I found that paper and I'm going through it and I'm like, my mind was blown. like, this man is everything on here except for a millionaire. Which we can work on. We can work on that. 

Erin Currin:
It's a missing, but it's workable. 

Danielle Francine:
And like obsessed with fitness and nutrition. Also something that you can work on.  Okay. I was like, what?  Fuck yeah!  And so this was what I believed and after months and months had seemed to be the person that I was looking for or waiting for whatever you'd like to call it, desiring. 

Erin Currin:
I guess…  It's really funny that you say that because the way I found my second husband was kind of the same way. It's, I'm like, I got chills.

I had gone to a spiritual conference at the Broward County Convention Center and went and saw a psychic doing a presentation. And she was also an Akashic records reader. And I had no clue what that was at the time. And I scheduled to have a tarot reading with her and it ended up going from an hour to three hours long. 

Danielle Francine:
Wow. 

Erin Currin:
Yeah. She's still somewhere in Miami every now and then I see her on social media.

And she suggested that I go to a Target or a drug store and buy a greeting card.  Two. One that I would choose to give to my love and one that I would want to receive from my love. And on the inside of the card that I would give, write all of the qualities in him. Here's the twist on the card that I wanted to receive all of the qualities in me that I wanted to be appreciated. And when Marcelo, my second husband showed up, he was really all of those things except he was not six foot two. And like, we can't work on that. He was an illegal immigrant at the time as well, but I didn't know I needed to ask for somebody who had status. 

One of the things that comes up for me is like you wrote three full pages front and back. It sounds like you were pretty exhausted. Mine was on a tiny little greeting card, I have plenty more space. 

Danielle Francine: 
You need a big jumbo card next time. 

Erin Currin:
Yeah.  I completely lost that train of thought, but I'm going to pick it up from where I am called to. It's like, even when we do that, after 17 years of being married to this amazing man, my second marriage was 17 years. It ended up not working. And he and I are still friends. I really value his friendship, our relationship. I just spoke with him a couple of days ago. He's still in my phone as my emergency contact, just because I'm single and you hey, you never know.

Danielle Francine:
Yeah. 

Erin Currin:
What do you think it is…  Hmm. There's a connection in the universe somewhere. Well, tell us he wasn't a millionaire. He's not into fitness. You're having this amazing relationship and this fantastic experience. You've created this yourself. Now what? 

Danielle Francine:
Now what happened? Yes. Cause you've been with John for how long? October… So in a couple of months would be two years. Okay.

So a couple of things happened.  So one of my also core values is growth. I'm slightly obsessed with it in every area. Physical, mental, spiritual. And that's not something that I could or would ever stop. So I've continued to be on this path.  For the past several months, that's something that he has struggled with. Now, what I have learned over the past couple days is, yes, I was clear about all of the things that I wanted and I got them. And there's also deeper seated things inside of me that I was not aware of that I learned of this weekend.  Things from my childhood, my teenage years. So for example, have, we've had this experience with, or I've had this experience with this person.

Having this experience was bringing up feelings in me that I had no idea why I was having. So it was a woman and she doesn't like me, which is fine. I don't give a shit normally, but why do I care so much? And so what I found was going all the way back to seventh grade, the first time that I can remember having this feeling was there was a boy that I liked and it was between myself and another girl. And he chose the other girl. 

Erin Currin: 
Wow. 

Danielle Francine:
Right? So I was feeling like I was in competition, which I was. We both knew like, he's going to pick one of us. Right. And I was the one that was not picked. Now, when I realized, okay, this is the same feeling. And I looked at every single relationship in my life up until that point, even friendships, there was always that. 

Erin Currin:
Wow. 

Danielle Francine:
Whether it was, for example, a best friend that I had in high school and her boyfriend had cheated on her and I was there and I saw it and I told her and she chose him over me and we were no longer friends. 

Erin Currin:
Wow. 

Danielle Francine:
When I owned a CrossFit, one of my best friends at that time, she wanted to coach for me. So I trained her.  She became an amazing coach and then she chose to shove it up my ass and go and open her own gym.  

So like even in my marriage… Before my marriage… Before we were dating, he had chosen somebody else over me. So in every single relationship, I saw this pattern.  Once I became aware of that, I'm like, this is why I care. Because this person is so important to you that I'm internally like “red flag,” freaking the fuck out.  I have this beautiful relationship and I'm gonna be the one that's not chosen again.  I'm not good enough.  I'm not worthy of this. I'm never gonna have anything that lasts. 

Erin Currin:
That's an interesting place to land. Being able to see the source, does that help you figure out how to process it? Or… What next? What do you do now? 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah. So, so when I realized that it did help me understand why I did feel like that and look at it from a different perspective. And I mean, really when you know why you feel some way, it does allow you to have a process about it. Some people process doesn't mean they let it go, right? And so this past weekend, I did a lot of work and learned a lot of things about myself and my childhood and even more competition. 

All right. So let me back up for a second. When I learned that, I was like, okay, great. I should be able to let it go. But I still had that like, okay, why?  Going back even further, when my little sister was born.  Competing for attention with my father. And there was no…  Right? And something that I've learned is like lot of this is not…  Of course it wasn't intentional of my dad.  She's a baby. She's a newborn baby and I'm five years old and it used to be just me and now it's this little baby and “daddy's princess.”  But it continued as she grew and she was daddy's girl.  She was the good one because she saw the shit that I put my parents through and she didn't want to do that. So literally like she was the good one. She was the angel and I was like the rebel. Yeah. So once I found that, was, that was the key. That was the freeing of it all. 

Erin Currin:
That's really key. Cause I think like one of the things that I'm getting is you've had this experience and you see the source of the experience.  And it's fantastic to understand where it comes from. But then the next question is, we hear this idea that we're the creator of our own universe. it's like, “but how am I creating THAT!”  I'm not manipulating people. I'm not making people choose. I'm not forcing these kinds of things to happen.

What does it take? Because for many of the people who might be listening or watching, they're having an experience of, “OK great.  Here we go again. I create my life. La la la la la la la.”  But how?  How?

Danielle Francine: 
Yeah. 

Erin Currin:
How does that make a difference? 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah. So what I've learned, and it's very interesting because it's… so Erin and I were talking about intuition before.  And divine timing and how things will just show up like at that divine timing, right? And it's, they're just like light switches, like, “oh my God”, or the synchronicities like, “okay, thank you for the sign. I get it”. Something that I had listened to… yesterday I started listening to it and the first thing that this doctor said.  So she's a doctor of neuroscience, but she also is very deep into spirituality, the universe. She's written a book called The Source and it kind of ties all of it together, like all of the secrets and it's super cool. So one of the things that she had said was, “you are attracting your relationships based on your wounded self.”  And most people don't know what those wounds are.  At that moment, it was just like…  It wasn't even a light switch.  It was like an explosion around my body. It was like BOOM!  I was like “Okay… So let's look deeper at this. Right, I was like, okay, what are the similarities of this relationship and my marriage? 

Erin Currin:
Wow. 

Danielle Francine:
And that was… I'm gonna say devastating because it was something that I didn't realize that I was choosing again. I had no idea that things were going to shift in the way that they did. And it wasn't something that I was consciously choosing to create. It's what I didn't want. And it was like, well, I wrote that. And not knowing why I even had that in my marriage in the first place. Seeing the ties there. 

Now it's like, okay, so now you know what that is, what that wounding is. Attracting somebody that isn't stable within themselves.  Like with my ex -husband, when we moved to Florida, he came out with, “I'm not happy with anything in my life, my job, being here, where we live. I have no joy, no joy at all.” And I took that as like, my God, it's me. Like it's me. And like, it wasn't me at all whatsoever. Of course, I mean, it takes two. I'm sure I played some type of part in that, but when somebody has depression, it's not triggered by a person. It's not brought on by a person. And it's not something that somebody else can fix either.  You have to do that work yourself. And so I did everything within my power to help him. Everything. We did many, many, many things. he just couldn't get there. 

And so my experience over this past weekend now was, this person that I love that is all of the things that we've been having, all of these things come up over the past really like couple months, months, especially the past few weeks, that now he is in a place to where he, like he's not happy with himself. And so, verbatim him, “this is not you. This is not the problem. I am the problem.  I need to figure it out.” 

In that moment, I was like, “why am I attracting this? Why am I experiencing this again?” Because two times in a row, right? Like total shift? like “What?!?”

Erin Currin:
Completely. Danielle and I have had many conversations over the couple of years that we've known each other. And so she is intimately familiar with my former work situation. And I don't think I've talked about it a lot on the podcast.

Partially because of the idea that like it's not her. It's me and my calling it into my space. And I…  Like, it's really challenging talking to a therapist when you come from the stance of it's my responsibility because they're like, “no, you were abused.” And it's like, it is true that I was, you

mistreated as a child and there were certain experiences that I have. it's, it's like this, this whole tangle of… but I wouldn't be experiencing this if you weren't in my space… but I called you into my space specifically so I could experience this. And it's a little bit of a mindfuck when you start to get to that level. 

So about two months ago, the last job that I was in, I was there for seven years.  I knew pretty early on that my boss was basically a giant replica of my mom. The conversations we would have.  The arguments we would have.  The disagreements…  The kinds of things…  The way we would interact with each other.  

I was going to say the way she treated me, but it's really not even that because I was just as Erin to her as I was Erin to my mom. And you know, you can go into the whole zodiac, I'm an Aquarius and she's a Scorpio and that's why. And it's like, there is a level of truth to the personality thing. But there's also the whole karmic freight train that's behind each person. 

And when you think about something along the lines of soul contracts and people coming into life to help each other figure things out. I had an experience two months ago where my boss, bless her heart, came into my office and was just tearing into me about… Well, she started by making a request that was a very backhanded request because I knew it was a request for me to tattle on my coworkers.  But it was really her saying, “I know you left early yesterday.”

And my normal way of being, remember, to my sub subconscious, this is my mother. 

And so my heart starts beating faster and my hands are shaking and I'm freaking out because I think I'm going to get beat.  I just got caught. Like whatever… It's insane what we do when we go there. 

It was about 10 minutes in the conversation and she can see she's got me cornered energetically.  She's smirking like a cat that's got the bird right where she wants him. And she says to me, “you know, why nobody ever stops by your office, don't you?” And at that point I froze and it was like, “I've heard this before.” 

Now I'm going to back up for a sec before I finish. I've been doing six months of Joe dispense and meditations. I've been chanting Nam -myoho -renge -kyo, practicing Nichiren Buddhism, for 24 years. I've done all kinds of personal development, plant medicine ceremonies. I've been digging in like you to uncover why this shit storm has been my life. And it's one of those things where, to try to untangle the Christmas lights of your life is not an easy thing. It is not for the faint of heart. So the fact that you're actually… if you're listening this far in, Congratulations! 

So as I'm sitting here looking at this woman who is saying to me, you know why nobody ever stops by your office. I have this flashback to when I'm 12 years old and my parents had moved us from Fort Lauderdale, Florida to Gainesville, Florida, halfway through my freshman year of high school.  Like the most sensitive time for a teenage girl. We go from this metropolitan city to this podunk town. The only thing there is the University of Florida. Like that's it. And when I'm talking with the guidance counselor about what I'm going to do to replace advanced placement science, she recommends concert chorus. 

I enjoy singing. It was nice… But it really was nice. 

It wasn't, I, you know, I enjoyed the experience for what it was, but two months after we moved there, I come home from school and I'm crying and I throw myself on the bed and my mom comes in and she's being very motherly.

It’s weird… 

And she says, “honey, what's wrong? How can I help you? How can I support you?” 

And I'm like, “I don't have any friends. Nobody likes me.” 

And my mom comes out with, “Well, you know it's because you're such a bitch.

And I just... you know, I'm 12, 13… 

So I flash back to this. I see my mother saying this to me. And then I look at my boss and I go, “Oh… Ah!”  It's not me. It's you. It's like, this was… I kept calling this abuse into my life because I really had no sense of my value. You were talking about being unworthy and undervaluing yourself and really just bending over backwards to make somebody else happy who has no

interest in being happy. They don't even understand that they are unhappy. 

And so it's like two things. One, then I can see like at that moment, my heart settled down, my hand stopped shaking. The conversation went on for another 20 minutes, but it was mostly her saying things to try to get me back to that space. And I was just…

And she said, “do you have any questions?” “Do you need any clarification?” I'm like, no. And she kept trying to… and I couldn't be hooked after that. 

And it's not like…  For somebody who's listening, who might think, well, “that's really nice, Erin. But how the hell do I get there?” 

Well, you know, you start reading books like The Source.  You start connecting with people who are a little bit more mindful.  You listen to meditations, or you do affirmations. You start looking for the patterns in your life. 

Landmark is a fantastic place to go for some of the training that's not quite as on the woo woo end, but it's also very scientifically based on the psychological aspects. Because one thing that I loved about Landmark is they say that every single human being on the face of the planet, by the time they get done with their teenage years, has made three major decisions. The first of which is I'm not something enough, which for me was I'm not smart enough. And that choice is made, that decision is made by the time you're like six. So now here I am trying to outsmart everyone and everything because I feel like I'm not smart enough.  And you can't be smart enough to get past I'm not smart enough. 

Danielle Francine: 
Right, when you believe you're not smart enough.

Erin Currin:
This shit keeps moving the marker. 

Danielle Francine:
Right. 

Erin Currin:
So for those people who are like, “well, that sounds really great for you. How the hell do I start?” You're watching or listening to this particular episode. And so it's time for you to take a look and see like, what signs have you been getting? Who's been recommending books to you? Are there videos that keep showing up in your feed and you don't know where the hell it came from.

So we're paying attention to those signs. 

Danielle Francine:
Totally. The video's on YouTube. I open it and I'm like, okay, thank you. 

Erin Currin:
Sometimes it comes out of left field, right? 

Danielle Francine:
That's the one that I had with your attracting from your wound itself. Play. my God. And it was an hour and a half. I consumed it like. 

Erin Currin:
What else would you like to offer our listeners or our viewers around this whole idea? 

Well, first of all, is there anything else about the story that you feel like you need to say to be complete. 

Danielle Francine:
So the place where I am now, it's very interesting because, so before we started this show, Erin looked at me and she said, “are you okay?” Like, “yeah, actually I am, I'm pretty good and…”

I mean, it's so it's not only that that's happening in my life. I have… my sister just had a baby and the baby is in the hospital and, you know, medical things are happening with that. And one of my dogs, Jaxson, he's 12 years old,  Because he's very emotional and loves this man has had several seizures over the past, know, a couple days. it's like, I feel like…  I feel like I keep trying to stand up and I keep getting knocked down. 

And at the same time, I know that it's going to be fine because of the things that I've realized. And I'm in a good place. He is in a good place. And really there's just… there's awareness there and there's learning. And I know that really this was… “Okay, you thought that you were where you needed to be with doing the things that you needed to do and you still have some more work to do. So here are your next steps.” 

So while yes, it's painful because it's the person that I thought I was going to be with for a very long time. I'm also, I'm going to say looking forward to a new beginning.  Instead of sitting in what could have been or what I thought could have been and daydreaming about it. It's like, okay, no looking back. I guess hindsight.  Take the lessons and figure out where that pattern came from. 

But also super clear and no choosing from the wounded self. Heal the wounded self so that you're choosing from your worthiness, from your desires.

Erin Currin:
Super powerful. And one thing that I might add is we don't know what the current is preparing us for. And so while sometimes it sucks because you think like you found the right person or you don't know why you're in the shitty job or you thought things were going amazing or your whole world is upside down. It's always in preparation of what's next because there's not ever not going to be a what's next. 

Danielle Francine:
Right.  Right. Unless you choose to not do or be here for what's next. 

Erin Currin:
Well, even then karmically speaking, know, like Einstein says, energy is neither created nor destroyed. And so the little sparks that give us life, they're going to keep going someplace because isn't that what the Akashic Records is?  It ties together all of the journeys that you've been on. So it's even a lie that you tell yourself that if you kill yourself in this lifetime, that means it's going to be over. Cause it's like, you just basically put a pause on that struggle bus. You're like, now I'm not going to take this one. I'm going to take the next one. How do you know it's not going to be worse? 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah. Oh God. 

Erin Currin:
Just saying. 

Danielle Francine:
So don't off yourself.

Erin Currin:
I was, I don't remember who I was having a conversation with, but they were saying that many of the people who have survived suicide attempts say that the moment they jumped off the bridge or pulled the trigger or did the thing, they realized it was a bad call. And so if most of the people who survived think that how many people who ended up being successful realized that but, you know, past the of no return.

Well, so it's like, you know, talk to somebody if that is a place that you're in. Because it's never not for nothing. 

Danielle Francine:
Right. It's like all of the things that we go through, right? Being in that bad place. I was having this conversation with a girlfriend last night.  All of the awareness that I have around these things and she's…  A similar situation for her. She was sharing with me her patterns that she had realized and work through. I'm like, man, for people that just don't have any awareness about it at all and just keep experiencing the same thing over and over and over and don't think that there's any freedom there or that this is just the way that life is.  

It's like, no, you actually are the creator and you also have to, like you had said, you have to look. So, take a snapshot. If it's relationship that you struggle with. If it's business. If it's whatever.  What do you see constantly showing up? What is the feeling? Go back.  Go back to your childhood.  Where do I remember experiencing that feeling first?  Try and find where it came from. Cause really when you find that, that's where, that's where you're going to find the freedom from that.  And that's where things will start to change. 

Erin Currin:
Absolutely true. That's well spoken. 

They say ignorance is bliss. Ignorance can be bliss because when you start to try to figure out the causal chain, it can become maddening.  It really can be frustrating because it's not always clear where to go next. 

My experience has been usually when I'm struggling the most, it's because I am surrendering the least. I'm not trusting the universe. I'm not trusting my process. 

Danielle Francine:
Yeah, that resonates.

Erin Currin:
If I say after 24 years of practicing Nichiren Buddhism and Nichiren Buddhism is the environment is a reflection of the self… If I really say, I believe that and I'm looking at something I don't like, and it's a reflection of the self, but I refuse to look at myself. Then do I really believe what I say I believe?

So, you know, it's like I said, not for the faint of heart. And I think it's one of the more fun journeys because I tried the whole ignorance thing. 

Danielle Francine:
I think we all have at some point. I just ran myself into exhaustion. Yeah.

Erin Currin:
Cause after a little while, that's when you, that's when I started thinking about, you know, I don't want to be here anymore. 

Danielle Francine:
Right. 

Erin Currin:
It’s just too hard.

Danielle Francine:
Yeah. There's no, there's no freedom in ignorance, really. I mean, if there's pain and it's the continuous cycle, like, there any freedom in a cycle? It's like being on a hamster wheel. No. 

Erin Currin:
Yeah. 

Danielle Francine:
Like you're just going to keep experiencing the same thing over and over again. 

Erin Currin:
Yeah. 

Danielle Francine:
So run the wheel with your ignorance. I mean, how long can you run it for? How long do you want to run it?

It's exhausting. 

Erin Currin:
Truly. 

Is there anything else that you would like to share? Any words of wisdom.  Any tools that you'd like to recommend? 

Danielle Francine:
I mean, really this is stuff I could talk about for hours on end. So…

Erin Currin:
We can do another episode. 

Danielle Francine:
That may not be the best question to end with. 

Erin Currin:
To wrap things up, what would you like to see for people to be complete.

Danielle Francine:
So really one of the reasons why I, I share my story with divorce. So prior to really today, I share my story with divorce with women to basically really show them that's not all that there is. If you're not happy, if you feel you deserve more if you find yourself questioning like, is this is it? Like, no, that's not it, right? You're powerful. You deserve what you desire and you desire it for a reason and you are worthy. And so now it's like the continuation of that story. 

Get clear.  Look inside of you.  Where do you have pain still?

Because really, yes, you do create everything.  Just as I created this relationship that followed that was absolutely beautiful, everything is always serving you.  You're always learning from everything. 

Erin Currin: 
Always. 

Danielle Francine:
So for this to happen, I could be sitting here and I could be crying and I could be heartbroken, sitting in what I wish what was, but instead, I am going back to my power of, okay, this is now what I need to do and thank you for this experience because I grew so much from it. So much. There's nothing that I regret from it. 

Erin Currin:
Yeah. It's beautiful and it's really true. I have a close friend who went through one of those really powerful and amazing but brief love affairs.  Met somebody.  Totally connected on super deep levels.  One of those things that was just not meant to be. And it turned his life upside down to show him exactly where he had been settling. Because he thought “the perfect partner isn't out there for me.”  But now he knows that's not true.  Settling is rarely ever a good option, 

Danielle Francine:
Right.

Erin Currin:
Because you just get left unfulfilled. If the entire universe is a giant buffet, why are you going to eat the stuff that you don't like and ignore the stuff that you do? 

Danielle Francine:
Right. 

Erin Currin:
Yeah. 

Danielle Francine:
So true. 

Erin Currin:
You get to choose. 

Very cool. Well, Danielle, I love chatting with you and I really appreciate you sharing so much of yourself, like so vulnerably and so authentically.

Danielle Francine:
Thank you. It's a pleasure.

Erin Currin:
So this is The Secret of My Success. We have been exploring what it means to live a fulfilling life. I'm your host, Erin Curran. Until next time.